Drag drag drag myself out of the warm covers in the freezing bedroom on a hot muggy day that I don’t don’t don’t want to face just yet. Groggy from all of the action my mind had while I was sleeping. Sleeping can be so tiring sometimes. The memories of my activities fade with each move I make out of the bed and towards the bathroom to release a night full of liquid. Groggy I stumble back in my room to try and pray to my God not yours although they may have met at some Deity convention we don’t know about. I smoke and wonder what would Jesus do if he had these habits of smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. My muzzled pounding thoughts expire to endless words spewing and I have no control. It makes no sense to be this tired and unmotivated and think so fast and too much. Even my God cannot quiet my insides.
When I came out it wasn’t a closet. It was a trashcan.
I’ve known for a long time what I am or I should say who I am.
I am an artist. The most precious blessing and the most horrific curse. Forsaken and trampled. Survival is rough. I must persist.
“Resistance is futile” as the Borg say on Star Trek. I cannot assimilate with this world. I am an artist. It’s not a choice. It’s not a lifestyle. It’s the way I was born. I nurture it when I’m not fighting it.
“Get a job” you say.
I have a job, thank you.
I have a job. I must create to live. To feel. Alive.
It’s my job.
I like my job but the pay sucks so far.
Writing and drawing is my life. Your career or your family is your life and art is mine. Why do you push your life on me? I never tell you to be an artist. Far from it. I say “stay away from it unless you are already wealthy.”
There were times I considered and even convinced myself I wanted to be like you. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be liked, loved and accepted. The older I get and the less I want your life the harder it is to live mine. I have no choice really.
I can’t change my skin color, my sexuality or my need to create. I guess I have to change my acceptance of you.
Writing. I write even when I’m not writing. I have so many stories, ideas, blogs and books written in my head and a small portion of them are half or a quarter written on paper. Not paper. In Word documents. Unfinished thoughts, ideas, blogs, stories and novels. A writer writes all of the time. I used t write the way I thought and spoke. Now I speak and think the way I write. Sometimes my actual thoughts and spoken words use correct grammar and syntax more so than when I write.
Not everyone is a writer but everyone has a story worth writing. Everyone could be a writer. I believe everyone should write. Don’t be afraid. It’s just putting words in front of each other. Write what is on your mind. Write what happened. There are no rules. Some say that there are rules and a proper way to write. Blah.. Fuck grammar, syntax, spelling, punctuation and big words. If you can’t be creative then don’t. Just say it.
We all have live a rich life. Not always happy. Not always miserable but something worth writing about. Some of us struggle with day to day living and survival and it’s worth writing about. Some of us are happy and enjoy life with occasional struggles worth writing about. Right?
A lot of my friend send me poetry and prose that the usually keep to themselves and sometimes even hide away. These pieces of writings are some of the best I’ve ever read. I’ve published a few on my wordpress site and they even got more readers than I get. So much
Of all of the arts I’ve tried and even excelled at, writing is my favorite. Something about seeing what’s in my mind on paper or on a document or blog makes me happy and fulfilled no matter how bad I feel or what the topic is. I have this innate desire to share my thoughts and feelings as often as possible online and I enjoy positive and negative feedback. I am self-absorbed and like to be in charge. Writing is perfect for my ego. It satisfies my need for instant gratification. It’s one thing I can do without depending on other people. Complete control.
Whenever I get involved with projects whether it’s art, music or business partnerships I am the only one that has my heart in it and the others tend to fade out. They have their own dreams and lives to live. I can’t expect people to blindly follow my dreams and goals. So I write. I write. I write.
I may never be a best selling novelist or celebrated poet but I have people that read what I write. People like you. You must want to red what I have to say of you wouldn’t be reading this now. I guess there’s the partnership. There is also the completion of my writing. Once you read it my writing becomes more than just self indulgent self absorbed ramblings It is a complete work of art.
I thank you for that. I thank you for making me who I am today; A writer.
Sarah White is my new hero. I mean heroine. Sarah has combined her modeling experience, marketing experience and her passion for psychology to create a unique service called nude therapy.
The 24-year-old sexy psychology fan from New York City has undressed the world of psychiatry. Her idea is that by stripping away her clothes during a “therapy” session makes her clients (mostly male) comfortable enough to “strip” away the layers of their mind and emotions. Sarah believes that her nudity will induce her clients to open up and bare their true feelings.
Sarah says “Naked therapy has been very eye opening and worldly for my clients. The goal is to show patients I have nothing to hide, and encourage them to be more honest. For men in particular, seeing a naked woman can really help them focus, look deeply into themselves and speak their minds openly.”
My favorite quote from Ms White is “Freud used free association. I use nakedness.”
Her therapy begins on her website: http://sarahwhitelive.com
Sarah is not a psychiatrist or even a licensed therapist but her practice or service is completely legal.
Diana Kirschner, a clinical psychologist from New York-based clinical psychologist, told the Daily News: “She’s using the word therapy here, but I don’t consider this therapy. I consider this interactive soft-core Internet porn.”
Personally, I think it’s brilliant marketing idea. In a world of online relationships and web cams, Sarah White is using her beauty and psychiatry studies to make a few dollars extra. I think I might try it in reverse. I’ll have my female “clients” pay me to have them strip their clothes off to help themselves. It might work.