I Woke Up with a Boner

February 11, 2012

I woke up with a boner (Written a couple months or so after my heart surgery in September 2011)

I woke up with a boner

This morning.

It was my first boner since

I was admitted to the hospital

Almost 2 months ago.

Since sex wasn’t on my mind,

I just wanted it to go away

So I could pee.

I peed and it went down.

I forgot about it until now.

My entire life I’ve been

Infected with sexual thoughts

And desires.

Occasionally going away as I

Grow older.

Older.

It seemed to have gone away

Entirely

After my hospital stay.

I noticed my lack of desire

But didn’t care.

Still don’t

Care.

I’d rather write

Or draw anyway.


Conversations with Scar Tissue Past

July 20, 2011

Scar tissue expands every day on my wounded mind.

Sometimes I feel nothing. Denial? Remission?

Sometimes I feel everything. Projection? Frustration? Anxiety?

Scar tissues spreads and strengthens me and weakens me.

Sometimes my past will pop up and surprise me.

“Hey how ya doin?”

“Great. How are you?” *Stutter and shake*

Chocolate shake. Fuck you. I want vanilla. I always want vanilla.

“Livin the dream” *Shimmy, shimmy shakes*

Shimmy my ass. You’re dream must be simple. You must be simple. Fuck your shimmy, shimmy and your Goddamn shake.

“Oh. That’s great I guess.”  *Reelin and rockin*

Ahh.. that’s better. Reeling and rockin… Not living or dying just kind of rockin.

“Yeah man. I am so filled with gratitude for my wonderful life.” *proud statement loosing confidence*

“Yeah? Me too. What are you so grateful about?” *Twisting and shouting*

“I woke up today. The sun is shining. I have love. I have friends.” *it goes on and on and on and . . .yeah*

Doubt and reconsideration of this fool standing before me. Too evasive. Too general. Hides the scars and pain and the past. Denies it.

“Are you grateful you took a shit?’ *sarcastic laughter held in*

“Wha. . ?” *confused by ninja verbal dance moves*

“Are you grateful you found a dollar to buy some food?” *humility or self righteousness (can’t tell)*

The past faded away as I questioned and hustled and even disco ducked..

Hope or hopeless. Doesn’t matter if I remain in motion. Mental motion. . .Keep going and no matter the scars or the past or the pain, the spirit is well. Always is if I tap into it. Do the twist. Shake it out baby. Shake, rattle and roll.

You know how it is, Rockin and rollin and what not.

You cna live your dream. I’m living my life. It’s worth every scar.


Be My Valentine- Excerpt from Yellow Socks Confessions of a Non-Don Juan

February 14, 2011

This is my Valentine’s Day story loosely based on a real life story from my novel Yellow Socks: Confessions of a Non-Don Juan. Warning: it’s unrated so parental guidance is suggested.

Be My Valentine?

 

I was finally fucking a hot chick again. Her name was Lena. It was wonderful. She had the best pair of legs. Nice perky tits. Her face was one of the prettiest I ever kissed. The foreplay that night lasted about an hour and a half, which is a miracle for me.

 

Let me back this up a bit.

 

About two and a half years before I was totally obsessively in love with this young girl who I thought liked me named Doris. She worked at the Heritage’s convenience store near where I worked at the time. She was just 18. You know what I mean. The way she looked… The first time I asked her out we made plans to meet up after work and she stood me up. Then she gave me this story of how her brother had to go to the hospital and there were no phones etc. So I blew it off. Whatever.. Yeah right. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. So she calls me and tells me how much she likes me and we should go out again. I made plans again. And this time she stood me up because her brother was in jail. Ok shit happens. Meanwhile, I was going absolutely crazy wanting to be with this girl but I put off making plans again. Somewhere in between the two dates I manage to kiss her and she was very passionate. She seemed like she dug me based on the way she put her tongue in my mouth. So the wacko with no common sense that I am made plans with her for the third time.

 

She did it again!! Fuck!

 

So I blow her off and want nothing to do with her and she doesn’t seem to understand why. She wrote me a note saying she wanted to makeup and all that stuff. So I waited a while and finally talked to her and we made plans for Valentine’s Day, Feb 14, 2002.

 

Over the weekend I ran into Lena, a girl that my friend used to date when she was 18. We were in a band together and he wrote a song about her that I sang. So I hung out with Lena at a Diner that night and really hit it off. We kissed good night passionately. We made plans for early the following week around Feb 11th.

 

I came over and she was all over me. I just stood there and tried not to respond because I had a strange loyalty to Doris and I was going to be with Doris on the 14th, So Lena just keeps rubbing against me trying to get me horny and I was but I still resisted. She took off her shirt and started dancing with her pierced nipples bouncing around. She pealed of her jeans to reveal her blue thong. She stood there the princess of temptation. She was twenty-three now and looked better than when she was eighteen years old.

 

She started playing with her pussy like I have never seen before. Her hand was under her thong just rubbing her clit and moaning and she touched me. I just watched like it was on TV or something wanting to touch her but not wanting to back down on my promise to myself. She finished. We talked a little. She pretended she understood. I left.

 

Valentines Day I got up and was ready for my big date. I had this lingering feeling throughout the day that Doris was going to cancel. I saw her in the afternoon and she said we were still on. I started to see the light. I called Lena and told her I wanted to see her. She was free. So at the last minute before I leave work I went to see Doris. Sure enough she couldn’t make it. I thought to myself “Thank God I didn’t buy her anything.” Off to Lena’s apartment I went.

 

On my way I threw together a poem I thought might make her feel good. I read it to her when I arrived. She loved it. She stripped down to her thong again. It was red for Valentines Day. She helped me with my clothes. We kissed. She tasted like gum and cigarettes. I licked her neck down to her nipples. I love nipple piercings. I bit the rings and pulled them hard with my teeth. She moaned. I felt her nice round ass and squeezed to see what she could take. She said she wanted to do something wild. Wanted me to choke her. I choked her as I dry humped her. I smacked her face hard. She smiled. I pulled her hair and forced my dick into her mouth. She sucked it with all of her breath. She gagged a few times and I pulled out.

 

“Lick my pussy.” She said.

 

I went down and pulled off her thong to reveal a shaven pussy with a clit ring. I licked and pulled on the clit ring. She screamed a good scream. I smacked her ass until it was dark red. She jerked me off for a while. I turned her over and licked her ass. I fucked her feet. After an hour and a half of these various sexual acts It was time to put it in her. She spread. I put on the condom and slipped it in. Just as I started pumping her I started to lose my erection. I tried several ways of getting it up and none worked. She tried to help. After a half hour of attempts, she stood up frustrated and told me to get out.

 

“I can do this.” I said.

 

“This has never happened to me. I can’t handle this” she said.

 

“Really. Just give me a few minutes.”

 

“Out! Now!”

 

“But.”

 

I left to never see her again. It was the last time I got laid in years. I remember every little detail.

 


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