Dream Girl Returns as a Lover (Guardian Angel?)

January 17, 2012

I felt her tongue in my mouth and I was the happiest man on earth. To kiss her was a dream come true. My Guardian Angel kissed me.

It started on some sort of shopping spree and she was taking me to different places buying me things and holding my hand and I was confused because she wasn’t in her guardian angle form. Not that she ever is. I call her my guardian angel because she has lead me away from negative situations and helped me out in previous dreams. She is based on a real girl I know in her mid-late 20s that I rarely talk to and see online once in a while. I named her Carmella the first time I wrote about her in a blog titled Dream Girl is my Guardian Angel but her name is Bailey. She won’t read this and if so . . . well I’ll deal with or not then.

So Bailey is taking me to familiar and unfamiliar places and we are happy. I felt the way I used to feel when I was on vacations with previous girlfriends during the courting or just past the courting stage. In the back of my head I was confused. First of all, she has a boyfriend and it seems they’ve been together since high school.  She would rarely give me the time of day in real life. Not to say she was or is a snob. She just never had a reason to talk to me. I’ve admired her from afar. I also didn’t know where were in the dream. It felt like Philadelphia and New York with a touch of San Francisco. Maybe my writing about hanging out with a few girls in San Francisco in my next novel is rubbing off into my dreams.

We ended up kissing on the sidewalk wherever we were. Heavy making out. I felt her tongue hit my tonsils and loved it. I haven’t had a kiss like that in almost 2 years. We hugged and then hurried to our hotel room. In the dream I went with it as if I knew there was a room. I settled in the room and saw her take her clothes off and she came to me again and kissed me wearing her white bra and panties. I was still in shock and thrilled to realize it was a dream. It was more real than being awake. She was dressed again. And I followed her outside to the sidewalk. Her boyfriend was there and she looked at me in a way I knew she was going to give him another goodbye talk. Then she took him into my room at a new house and we were no longer at the hotel.

I let them have their time. I was overall confident that Bailey was mine but still was anxious for him to leave. It reminded me of when I dated a married woman that was separated and the 3 of us hung out. I walked into the living room and it was a combination of a few houses I’ve lived and my aunt and uncle’s house in Michigan. My grandmother was alive and there with aunts and uncles and cousins. My blood relatives and my adopted relatives were all there. I was so distracted by having my fantasy girl, my dream girl after going so long without love I had trouble enjoying my family. Everyone was talking to me. Someone said that I was going to miss my flight home. I thought I was home and Bailey and her boyfriend were in her my bedroom. I felt love in the room but I wanted the love in the bedroom, forgetting Bailey has appeared as my guardian angel in the past.

I thought of her kiss, closed my eyes and smiled. I woke up and it was only 11 pm. I felt happy for some reason even though I never resolved anything in the lucid dream. It will come to me. It always does.

Also read my poem called Guardian Angel Protection


Social Checking Services are Watching You

August 5, 2011

 

The work place and technology keep changing. It used to be easy to get a job. You fill out an application, do an interview and you either get hired or not. Simple. Now most corporations have you apply online that takes close to an hour to fill out. They require 2 phone interviews before an in person interview. Then background checks and drug tests. A lot of prospective employers even google your name to see what they can find out about your activity on the internet. Personally I’ve wondered if this has been a reason I didn’t get a response on many job application in the past 5 years or so.

 

The past few years some companies hire “social checking” services to go beyond the general google or any other search engine findings. A recent study by the Society of Human Resources Management (SHRM) shows that 50% of employers are taking advantage of the new services up from 34% in 2008 and 20% are planning on using the services. These “social checking” companies specialize in watching and reporting applicant’s activities on social networks like facebook, Twitter, Myspace, etc. looking at everything from blogs to photo albums.

 

It’s entirely legal and complies with the Fair Credit Reporting Act (FCRA). Some question whether it is invasive of individual’s privacy come up but it seems pretty cut and dry. Most of us know by now that what we make public on the internet is open for anyone to see if we don’t make it private. Even if a person makes it entirely private there are ways around it.

 

The question of reliability of the information gathered because people present what they want to say about themselves and try to give the best not necessarily the most honest version of themselves on the social networking sites.

 

Personally I’ve been aware that what I post and say and do onine can be seen by everyone. Some of my sites, blogs, pictures, statements etc are definitely a bit risqué and even pornographic at times. I’ve accepted this fact as an artist and writer. I am willing to put myself out there to be true to myself. My art and writing has never been mainstream and I have nothing to hide. It’s more important than hiding everything to please others including prospective employers.

 

I know a lot of people that won’t have anything to do with me online due to the nature of their careers. They keep everything private and hide out only connecting with their closest of friends and family members.

 

If I’m ever hiring I might use a service but I’ll be looking for honest people not the ones that seem “normal”. I feel bad for the people that don’t think about it and have pictures of their parties and drinking and wild side that a social checking service finds and may ruin their chance of a career that they wanted.

 

Then again is the real you the person that sits in front of an employer for an interview or the “you” you project online? Either way there’s some kind of deception and some honesty.

 

For me, I am just going to keep doing what I do. Post what’s on my mind. Or maybe start my own service. Hmmmm.


Do You Love Me? Really Love Me?

September 5, 2010

Do you ever wonder what your “image” is t other people? I do. Do you ever wonder how they perceive you? I do. I’ve spent a good part of my life figuring out how to get people to like me or love me. It worked. They at least appeared to like me. Not always n the ways I wanted them to. I hit a point a while ago where I stopped caring. Not entirely, but enough to focus on my dreams and loves.

People tend to have an image of themselves that they present and another side to them that they don’t present to others. They way they talk about themselves and dress and walk and even look at you is one side but is it really who they are and how they feel about themselves? It is really easy these days to create an image of yourself with the internet using social networking sites, webs sites and blogging sites. You can take your time in choosing what photographs you want to present, what you say, and who you associate with. So, I wonder sometimes what my image is to others: people that know me personally and people that only see what I present on the internet.

I’ve tried to maintain a high level of honesty when writing or speaking with others while still trying to get them to like me. Now I just try and be true to myself and honest when I write. Sometimes I censor myself so I don’t offend anyone but most of the time I let people see the real Rich and what’s really going on.

I’m not ashamed of my defects of character, my emotional problems, my sexuality, my spirituality or even the way I look. Of course I get down on myself sometimes and feel good about myself other times. That’s human. Don’t you do the same thing?

I’ve done some weird, strange, perverted and even self-destructive things in the past and I am not ashamed. Maybe I get embarrassed sometimes about my actions or thoughts but never ashamed. I’ve come to grips that I am what am. Still there’s a lingering curiosity as to what you think about me, honestly.

What do you think of me? What is my “image” to you? Do you love me? Really love me? I love you.


Are You Guilty of facebook Nonsense? I am.

August 19, 2010

Weird how what comes around goes around. Irony. One day I’m complaining about people “deleting” me on the almighty networking site facebook and the next day I want to delete people for expressing themselves. It’s not the expressing that bothers me as much as it is when I see people attack others through comments and status entries on there. Some even attack others by name. I have to remember that I’ve been deleted because people don’t like what I post. I have to remember that I’ve attacked people when I was angry on facebook as well. I didn’t use names but there was enough information for the people that knew the person figured it out.

I am going to stick to my guns for now. I made a resolution to not respond, attack or delete someone for their behavior unless it’s extreme harassment or threats or something drastic. Say what your going to say and I’ll deal with it. There is an option on facebook to hide people that you don’t want to read their statuses. I’ve used this before for silly stuff like being tired of hearing about what a person is eating every hour or their break up updates every few hours or even minutes. I still like these people and want to be friends with them and I can always unhide them at another time. It’s not as bad as Twitter.

Ok, I admit that I spend way too much time on facebook and I enjoy it. I go on to have fun and socialize especially when the real world bores me or I’m feeling anti-social in person. I try to be respectful, playful and fun. I understand that my interests and sense of humor may be offensive at times but that’s who I am and I have to work on not taking it so personal when someone doesn’t like it. One facebook friend got offended when I “tagged” her in a semi-sexual photo I posted. The term tag means I posted her name on a picture and then it appeared on my page and hers. She was very polite in her confrontation and she let it go and we are better friends for it.

Maybe one day I’ll get a real job and a real life and not be so concerned with such trivialities. These are just the thoughts of the moment and I’ll forget about it later while I am “poking” my friends on facebook while ding 10 other things on the computer. Ha.


Don’t Read This if You’re a Member of facebook

July 30, 2010

Another friend deleted me on facebook. A real friend in real life. You know facebook, right? Everybody is on it. I’ll bet your grandmother is on there. Right? It’s just a social networking site. Why does it bother me? Why do I bother other people? It’s just an internet web site to post pictures, talk, make comments to each other and try and have fun in between living in the real world. It’s also addicting for me. I’m an addict.

In the spring of 2003 someone I knew told me about this site called Friendster. You probably never heard of it, right? It was like MySpace and facebook but a little more primitive. I went on there to make new friends and maybe meet a woman. I went on some dates and it didn’t work out but at least I was networking a little bit and taking to new people. I liked it.

During the summer of 2003 one of my Friendster “friends” told me about this new and exciting site called MySpace so I tried it out. I liked it. It was a lot of people with interests like myself and I started to go wild on there. I was finding old friends and meeting new friends. I started dating from there too. I went on a lot of dates and talked to a lot of people that summer. Then I discovered “blogs” or journaling. I had tried journals online before but without knowing if anyone was reading it I felt like it was worthless.

It started when a friend of mine started writing to impress each other and ourselves. Then a girl got involved so the three of us would write and comment on each other’s writing. I was really into the feedback as well as the writing. I basically wrote the way I did now telling stories of my real life and my feelings and reactions with the occasional story and poem thrown in. It became bigger than the three of us. Other people started commenting and writing as well. MySpace became my new artistic outlet. I soon started writing a novel. That’s another story.

I was on there for years and eventually used it to market my bands. I used it to book bands when I was a booking agent for a local bar. Between the writing and promoting I really made full use of MySpace. Of course I kept social networking and making new friends and finding old ones. It was a great time on the internet.

A friend sent me an invite to join this other social networking site called facebook. I wasn’t really interested and I threw together a half assed profile in 2006 and pretty much forgot about it for well over a year. Friends at work kept bugging me to get on there. “I wrote on your wall last week and you didn’t comment.” They’d say. I didn’t know what a wall was. Great another language I had to learn. Suddenly MySpace started filling up with more and more people that were less social or interesting and I kept getting friend requests on this facebook thing. What made it a little more interesting is that people I haven’t seen or heard from in years were contacting me including family members.

I joined everyone else as facebook started to boom and take over the social networking market. After I learned how to utilize it I started to like it. I kept writing on MySpace. I felt more free on MySpace since I was fiends with family and friends that didn’t know what I was about on facebook. I kept my facebook fairly tame for this reason and I was picky on whom I was friends with. I only wanted to be friends with those I actually knew. This was a lot of people because I had a lot of internet buddies from MySpace jumping over and requesting me. As long as I knew them it was cool.

I’ve become pretty addicted to using facebook. I enjoy networking, sharing videos, etc. I still held back a lot of my darker stuff and thoughts because of the family and certain friends that I didn’t know that well. I do post a lot of things because I love being on there.

When I got fired from my job in May 2010 I made a decision to stop censoring myself and start promoting myself in all internet avenues. MySpace was drying up and less people were reading and commenting on my blogs. I created my own blog site on wordpress.com. richhillenjr.wordpress.com. I started linking it to my facebook profile. I also started making videos for my poetry, spoken word and songs. I created a “fan” page for myself on facebook as well. My goal is to keep everything linked together and use facebook to promote myself and I figured I’d make some new friends as well. Have fun and network. That’s what facebook is all about for me today. I started reaching out and finding more and more friends that have things or friends in common and request their “friendship”. I accept anyone’s request unless they look like a spammer that just wants to sell things. That’s ok too. For them. I like to mix it up and hope that the people I am friends with get what I’m about and like what I sell or write or do.

I take a chance everyday that I’m going to piss someone off or offend them with something I say on there. The people I thought I might scare off surprise me as well as my close friends. The family and friends that I though might get offended or get tired of me posting too much tell me that they like what I do and some of my close friends that I thought got me deleted me. I admit that my feelings get a little hurt when this happens but since they are my friends I ask them. Their answers are either that they are tired of logging on and seeing a bunch of posts from me or that some of my pictures or comments were offensive to them. At least they admit to the reasons. I shouldn’t really care. In the long run I don’t but sometimes it bothers me.

We are all different people and perceive things differently. They have the right to delete me as much as I have the right to say or post whatever I want. That is that, right?

It sure took a lot of words just to say that my friends deleted me. Thanks fro reading. Ha.


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