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Posted by richhillenjr
Holy shit. What do I do? I’ve been in hiding out alone in my house for so long and now that I’m out and making new friends and socializing I’m not sure how to react, what to say and what to do. When it comes to women. When it comes to her.
I’ve had a stressful day and wanted to hibernate like I did for the past few years but I found myself at the same coffee shop ordering the same coffee and sitting in the same place. I had to make a few phone calls, texts, and emails to move along the things that are stressing me and it was time for a cigarette break. There she was. Sitting with her back to me outside at a table immersed in work on her lap top or pretending to be immersed in it.
She was there for a while but this time I was compelled to talk to her. Tall blonde in tights and high boots that I thought were awesome so I told her so. They were sexy. We talked about boots in summer, men shouldn’t wear sandals ever, and people we knew. Normal conversation with a pretty blond with pretty blue eyes and nicely shaped legs. Not my usual type (blonde and blue eyes) but she was really nice and good looking. We talked and talked for about 20 minutes and seemed like we were hitting it off. Maybe we were or maybe we weren’t. I have trouble reading people after not being around them for so long.
She had to make a phone call so I went back inside and worked on a few projects for almost an hour and I wanted a cigarette and might have to leave soon and didn’t know what to do. Do I ask to see her again sometime? Do I ask for her phone number? Do I ask for her email or facebook page? Or do I just blow her off and forget about it? Write it off as just another person I met and leave it to fate (if there is such thing). Do I just pussy out like I have many times in the past.
I sat at my table and I looked up now and then and watched her working on her computer and texting through the sun filled window. I was kind of frozen. I wanted to smoke. I wanted to leave. I figured I’d go out to smoke and talk to her if she was free and ignore her if she was busy or acted busy. Then I thought I’d grab my stuff to leave, light a cigarette in front of her and say goodbye. The end.
I prefer casual acquaintances these days anyway. Jus as I stood up I saw her stand up and pack her stuff.. Didn’t know what to do. I felt like a stalker if I coincidentally walked out as she was leaving. Was she coming inside to talk to me or say goodbye? Nope.
She walked away from her spot outside the coffee shop. All hope was lost. I thought.
If I meant anything she would have come in. Oh well.. Fuck her. It got me to write.
It was at least safe to go outside. I did. Just as I sat down and lit my cigarette I glanced to the left and saw her at the parking meter. I ignored her. Suddenly she was in front of me talking on her cell phone. She kept walking but looked at me and waved. Was it a wave goodbye? Wave hello again? A wait a minute wave? She stood about 10 feet from me on the edge of the side walk. I was too consumed with myself and what could happen I couldn’t hear her conversation.
I imagined her telling someone “ I met this cute guy and we talked a lot. He’s nice but I think he’s stalking me now. Staring at me right now.”
I waited to finish my cigarette and a small skinny body appeared in from of me. It was a guy I know and haven’t talked to in a long time. I tried to focus on talking to him as I finished my cigarette still glancing at my fleeting coffee shop desire.
I followed him back in the shop and took my seat. I forgot about her fast. I guess it was what it was. Another person that entertained me for few minutes in between my coffee shop hanging out and writing. Goodbye young lady. Goodbye for now.
Oh wait who’s that girl? I gotta go. . .
Leave a Comment » | Anti-Social, Anxiety, Art, Article, Blog, City, Coffee, Dating, Email, Family, fear, Friends, Happy, Love, Nothing, Obsession, Prose, Sex, Sociology, Writing | Tagged: cigarette, Coffee, coffee shop, Coffee shop love, conversations, dating, girls in boots, hanging out, how to pick up chicks, legs, meeting people, meeting women, Rich Hillen Jr, sex, sexy blonde in boots, smoking, tights, tlking | Permalink
Posted by richhillenjr
Women. . . You can’t live with them . . . . Men are assholes that fucked women up. The messed them up for guys like me. Maybe guy like you.
We are all a result of our personal experiences in life. Most of us stick with what we experience in life early on and it seems we stop changing in at a certain age. Look around. You can usually tell how old someone is by what they wear, their hair styles, how they speak and their interests like music and television. You know the types. You can tell when someone grew up in the 80’s, 90’s etc.
Ahh…. The mysteries of the male and female relations. It’s never been solved but I have my theories and opinions.
In my dating experience and the older I get I find that I am less and less of a commodity and I gather more and more baggage. The same goes with the women I encounter or date. It’s been a while but I have been paying attention to other people’s relationships. So when I date a woman I am also dating her last boyfriend/husband/fiancé, the one before that and the one before that. Each experience she has changes her in some ways. This seems to go against what I said earlier about people staying in certain mentalities from early life. It’s been my observation that each man they date reaffirms her attitude from early life rather than changing it especially the women that have had traumatic experiences with men in childhood, teen years and early 20s.
So, the reason I was thinking about this is because my friend is having guy troubles. She’s been dating a guy that grew up in the same city neighborhood with the same friends and family dating the same type of girls his entire life. My friend grew up in a backwoods environment and transitioned to the center city life and has had different types and tries to let go of her past relationships when entering a new one. They are only a couple of months in and he didn’t realize how many male friends she had. I hung out with her last night and she let him know she was going out with a guy friend. He started to get jealous. She even called him while we were out to assure him it was cool. His jealousy got worse and worse.
Today she posted a photo of us on facebook and he freaked out with even more jealousy. She’s not used to this. Even in her wildest times of her youth she never cheated on a boyfriend. Apparently he has or he has experienced girls cheating on him.
It got me thinking about the line from when Harry Met Sally (yes I watched it several times and I’m proud) when Harry says “No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.” I found this to be fairly accurate for me personally until I hit my late 20s and early 30s. Sex became less important and friendships become more important.
I suspect that my friend’s boyfriend still has that mentality in his mid 40s. My friend is a pretty tough bitch sometimes and she won’t tolerate it. She’s still upset about it.
The other code I cracked a while ago that I don’t always follow or live up to is the “women are bitches” and “men are assholes” mentality many people seem to have. It’s pretty simple to me.
Women are attracted to confident men. In many cases men that appear to be confident are actually cocky. There’s huge difference between cocky and confident. Cockiness is fake. It’s a way of overcompensating for insecurities. These men are usually assholes and dickheads. Men that are nice and accessible appear to be weaker and unconfident and a lot of them are. A woman gets the cocky guy and he turns out to be an asshole. Then she is either a victim or a bitch.
Men are attracted to confident women. The louder and more aggressive women turn out to be bitches because of their insecurities. The nice accessible women appear to be weaker and too easy so he turns to the cocky woman and she turns out to be a bitch. It’s a vicious circle for some of us.
Due to my personal struggles and variety of women I’ve dated I have been an asshole, a nice guy and a confident man. I’ve had the most luck being nice and confident.
I’m not even going to address my thoughts on love. Let’s say, for now, that I have no opinions on love.
Leave a Comment » | Anti-Social, Anxiety, Article, Blog, City, Dating, fear, Happy, Hate, Love, Photographs, Psychiatry, Relationships, Self help, Sex, Sexuality, Writing | Tagged: anti-social, Anxiety, Can't live with them can't live without them, Careless, Charles Bukowski, Crazy, depression, friends, God, Happiness, Happy, Hate, lost, Love, love lust, Lust, men are assholes, Mental illness, Rich Hillen Jr, Sad, sex, sick, spirit, spirituality, This too shall pass, vibe, vibrator, When Harry Met Sally, women, Work, Write, writer, writing | Permalink
Posted by richhillenjr
I’m Under the spell.
The scent, the feel, and the entire experience.
I’m distracted with obsessive focus.
First I thrust through the clouds into something I would never dream about.
Then I relax and follow the compulsive winds.
I’m in it. I’m in them.
Release. Relax. Control.
I’m over. I’m over.
1 Comment | Anti-Social, Anxiety, Art, Blog, Dating, Death, Depression, Digital Art, Disorder, Dream, Experimetal, Happy, Love, Obsession, Poetry, Relationships, Self help, Sex, Spirituality, Spoken word, Video, Writing | Tagged: addiction, Bailey Jay Granger, beat on the brat with a baseball bat, breasts, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, callmemr wordpress, callmemrwordpress, carry on, chainsaw suicide, Charles Bukowski, Dancing, Death, directors, dreams, Eagle, eagles, Emma Caulfield, engage, face, filmmakers, flying, Follow dreams, Ghouls, Glee, goat cheese, homicide, in, in you, Japanese advertising, Kenneth Anger, life, Mad Dog, Mental illness, Mudflaps, nothing, novel, obsessed, over, OVER YOU, performance art, poem, poetry, read, reading, reuinite, Rich Hillen Jr, RICHARD A HILLEN JR, Richard Albert Hillen Jr, Salsa, self help, Seperate, sex, sexual obsession, sexuality, sexy, socks, STRANGE, Strange Days, Strange Ways, strangers, toe, Under, under you, UNDERGROUND FILM, Underground movies, William Castle, William S Burroughs, Write, writers, writing, X-Files | Permalink
Posted by richhillenjr
Now you can read it yourself. Just click the Yellow Socks cover pic.
Leave a Comment » | Anti-Social, Anxiety, Art, Article, Blog, Cigarettes, Coffee, Courtesy, Dating, Death, Depression, Disorder, Dream, Drugs, Education, Excerpts from Yellow Socks, Facebook, Family, fear, Fetish, Fiction, Friends, Funny, Happy, Hate, Hipsters, Internet, Love, Masturbation, Meditation, Music, Nothing, Nudity, Obsession, Outsider, Photographer, Poetry, Prose, Racisim, Reviews, Sadness, Self help, Sex, Sexuality, Social Networking Sites, Sociology, Spirituality, True Crime, Ugh!, Video, Work, Writing | Tagged: Alcoholism, Bipolar, book signing, callmemr, callmemr wordpress, Charles Bukowski, Coming of age, confessions, dating, Drug addiction, Fetish, fetishes, Henry Miller, How to meet women, how to pick up chicks, Journals, legs, Love, Love addiction, Lust, Mental illness, Novel reading, pantyhose, Pervert, Peter McCoy, Relationships, Rich Hillen Jr, Romance, Schizophrenic Mother, sex, Sex addiction, Sexual encounters, sock fetish, socks, stockings, Willian S Burroughs, Yellow Socks, Yellow SOcks. COnfessions of a Non-Don Juan | Permalink
Posted by richhillenjr
Sarah White is my new hero. I mean heroine. Sarah has combined her modeling experience, marketing experience and her passion for psychology to create a unique service called nude therapy.
The 24-year-old sexy psychology fan from New York City has undressed the world of psychiatry. Her idea is that by stripping away her clothes during a “therapy” session makes her clients (mostly male) comfortable enough to “strip” away the layers of their mind and emotions. Sarah believes that her nudity will induce her clients to open up and bare their true feelings.
Sarah says “Naked therapy has been very eye opening and worldly for my clients. The goal is to show patients I have nothing to hide, and encourage them to be more honest. For men in particular, seeing a naked woman can really help them focus, look deeply into themselves and speak their minds openly.”
My favorite quote from Ms White is “Freud used free association. I use nakedness.”
Her therapy begins on her website: http://sarahwhitelive.com
Sarah is not a psychiatrist or even a licensed therapist but her practice or service is completely legal.
Diana Kirschner, a clinical psychologist from New York-based clinical psychologist, told the Daily News: “She’s using the word therapy here, but I don’t consider this therapy. I consider this interactive soft-core Internet porn.”
Personally, I think it’s brilliant marketing idea. In a world of online relationships and web cams, Sarah White is using her beauty and psychiatry studies to make a few dollars extra. I think I might try it in reverse. I’ll have my female “clients” pay me to have them strip their clothes off to help themselves. It might work.
Leave a Comment » | Anxiety, Article, Blog, Depression, Disorder, Fetish, Internet, Meditation, Nudity, Obsession, Psychiatry, Relationships, Self help, Sex, Sexuality | Tagged: emotional problems, hot girl strips naked, mental problems, naked therapist, Naked therapy, naked women, nudity, opening up, psychiatry, psychology, Rich Hillen Jr, Sarah White, sex, sexual issues, Sigmund Freud, therapy, Write, writing, youn woman therapist | Permalink
Posted by richhillenjr