Global Warming & Cigarette Smoking

June 23, 2010

Heat first. Every year I try so hard not to complain about the heat. I try to deal with it and hide in the air conditioning until the summer is over. Problem is that my current living situation doesn’t allow me to smoke inside. I love sitting on my porch with my cigarettes, coffee and laptop when it’s less than 77 degrees but once the heat and humidity crawl in I go crazy. Sure, I’m sure you’re probably thinking “smoke less” or “quit smoking” but I don’t want to hear that. I don’t want to quit smoking. I love to smoke. For some reason I seem to be more creative when I’m smoking and drinking coffee. It’s n my head. I know that. I used to think that I would never be creative without drugs or drinking. That’s changed. So, I’d rather sweat it out on the porch just so I can smoke than work inside the cool air-conditioned house.

After this last month of being unemployed I’ve finally balanced my time. I spend so much time outside and so much time inside. I spend so much time looking for a job and so much time writing. I go to my meetings pretty much the same time every day. I go to bed and get up around the same time every day. It’s not a tight schedule but it’s better than the habits I was falling into. It might sound boring but it works for me until I find a job or the weather gets cooler or I make a living off of my art. The heat has at least helped force me to schedule a routine in my life.

My enemy has become an unexpected ally.


June 10, 2010

Man. This not working thing is strange to me. I haven’t been unemployed in years. I may not seem to be the type to thrive on routine but I do. I work better under structure and logic despite my outward appearance and presentation. My entire routine has been shaken up since my break up with my job. Two weeks today and I guess I’m still in shock a little bit. I’m halfway between acceptance and denial.

The first few days I ran around taking care of business. I applied for unemployment. I finished editing my book so I can take some of this free time and try and get it published. I took care of dental and medical needs before my health benefits ran out. I paid all of my immediate bills to make sure they were taken care of.

Then I settle into a state of confusion. I don’t know what day it is half the time. I lose track of time in my creative endeavors. I go to bed late and wake up late or go to bed early and wake up in the middle of the night then sleep late again. I’m depressed one minute and on top of the world the next. I’m not always self-disciplined which is why I can come off unstructured and illogical.

I need routine. I need to stick with it. Job or no job I need to set certain hours for certain things and stick to my plan. It’s only been a few weeks. I can do this.

At least I’ve been taking care of myself spiritually, creatively, and socially. Overall I am happy. Today.

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