I Woke Up with a Boner

February 11, 2012

I woke up with a boner (Written a couple months or so after my heart surgery in September 2011)

I woke up with a boner

This morning.

It was my first boner since

I was admitted to the hospital

Almost 2 months ago.

Since sex wasn’t on my mind,

I just wanted it to go away

So I could pee.

I peed and it went down.

I forgot about it until now.

My entire life I’ve been

Infected with sexual thoughts

And desires.

Occasionally going away as I

Grow older.

Older.

It seemed to have gone away

Entirely

After my hospital stay.

I noticed my lack of desire

But didn’t care.

Still don’t

Care.

I’d rather write

Or draw anyway.


Indifference is the Word of the Day

July 18, 2010

Mediocrity is the worst. No. Indifference is the worst. I sit here in my usual spot doing my usual things feeling indifferent. I don’t care today. I sit and I wait for inspiration. Not sad. Not happy. Not angry. Not joyful. Not feelings one way or the other. I just do my thing. I go through the motions and wait. Wait for a feeling. For something.

The things that would usual aggravate me or excite me aren’t having an affect on my today. Luckily I am in the habit of doing things. Positive and negative things. Productive and nonproductive.

I write. I wait. I create I wait. I waste time on the internet. I wait. I talk to you. I wait. I have faith it will come. I just don’t know when.

I try and seize the day and not let the day seize me. It doesn’t. I’m indifferent today. I feel mediocre. It’s worse than depression or joy. At least then I have passion.

“Oh dear passion please come to me.” I say.

Then I don’t care again.

I don’t care today. Just for today.


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