Excerpt from My First Novel Yellow Socks Confessions of a Non Don Juan

June 4, 2012

An Excerpt from my 2010 novel Yellow Socks- Confessions of a Non Don Juan


Skeleton Woman or Things Like Me Don’t Happen To You


Christ it happened again. Another notch in my “girls that want to be my friend” belt. It made sense. We were perfect friends and she was real cute too. I kept thinking that I was ok with it. I’d be happy just being a friend again. I keep turning to God for strength to accept my fate as “Friend to all women” that I’m attracted to. My acceptance level seems to be ok. I go to my happy place. I go to my cave. I say the serenity prayer over and over I am sure that I will be ok with this. Yes I will. (no I won’t)


Cut to a scene from Fight Club



Stop it! This is your pain — this is your burning hand. It’s right here! Look at it.



I’m going to my cave. I’m going to my cave to find my power animal!



No, don’t deal with this the way those dead people do. Come on



I get the point, ok, please!



No, what you’re feeling is premature enlightenment.


Ok. I get the idea. Feel the pain. Feel the hurt. Feel the rejection saturating my heart until I bleed more than just these words all over the place and finger my open sore of a brain as it wants to dwell on her over and over again. Screaming and roaring her name with anger and grief and sometimes a slight relief that it’s done and I know that she will not reject me again unless I go back for more and more or less or a little bite of her cheeseburger and a sip of her Pepsi to tide me over until the next one comes along with better food and spirits for my, for me for. Four scores of seven years itch as I scratch the weathered tired out mongrel of an ego that was left stray years ago in a pound for wayward hearts and letches that can only love and never be loved.


The pain of being a friend. A friend. I’ve heard that “Let’s just be friends” millions of times in my life as I gargle a new mouthwash and toothpaste hoping my breath will be the answer to my problem. My problem is as follows: me, myself and I. We altogether are the problem. We want to be loved so bad that we give off the vibe that scares the shit out of women so they just want to be friends. Friends. Friends. I think to myself that will be fine. Friends is ok. It’ll do. I can accept that. Bullshit! Feel the pain I tell myself. Embrace it. the pain is your friend. To hurt is to be alive. I’ve never been so alive. I’m alive. So alive.


“Did you ever hear about the skeleton woman?” Morton asked.


“Was that a Glam rock band from the seventies?” I ask.


“Ha. Ha. Nah. It’s an ancient Indian story. This guy was fishing in the middle of a lake. He was totally into it. He was relaxed. Not a care in the world except catching the next fish. All of a sudden he feels a tug on his line and he yanks it up. A skeleton appears on his line. He doesn’t realize that it’s attached to his line and he gets scared. He starts paddling his boat away from it but it follows him. He still doesn’t realize that it’s attached to his line. He gets out of his boat and runs into the village and he is carrying his fishing rod and the skeleton is still right behind him. He jumps into his Tee Pee and it follows him in. He lies down and tries to hide not looking at it for a while. When he finally turns to look at the skeleton it has changed into the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She is his. The moral of the story is that he was minding his own business doing something he enjoyed and that’s when the right woman came along. In other words when you are not looking for love is when it will find you. ”


“I know that but it’s so fucking hard to stay focused on other things without thinking about how much I want to be loved. Fall in love. Ya know?” I responded.


“I know. I know.” Morton said.


“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” Tyler Durden


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Used Panties Vending Machines in Japan

October 22, 2010

The most interesting stories come from Japan. True stories. Where else in the world can you buy used worn panties from a street or in store vending machine? That’s right. There are panties vending machines in Japan. The are sold for the equivalent of US $50 a pair and up. Price varies with  how long a pair has been worn.


The machine is set up like a standard vending machine. Each spot has a box with a picture of the supposed girl that wore them. The most popular are the schoolgirl panties. Some machines even sell the entire school girl uniform.


The panties vending machine was introduced in 1993 in Chiba City.A standard practice of some porn shops was to have a schoolgirl stop by and change into a chosen pair by the owner. The girl changes into them and wears them all day at school. After school the girl would return them and change back into her old pair and get paid. Sometimes the girls would sell the panties they wore at home as well as he pairs they were supplied. Of course these were big sellers.


Japan has a reputation of selling what we in the US would consider unusual items in vending machines such as cameras, new pairs of pantyhose, porno magazines, condoms, and horoscopes.  It almost makes sense that someone would come up with perverted machine that vends used underwear.


Once the word spread that these machines existed there was an immediate out cry. Although there were laws regulating the sale of new items in vending machines, there were no laws regarding used items. The market flourished for a while. By the end of the year authorities found a law concerning the sale of antique items. The antique dealing law requires special registration to sell antique and “used items”. The infamous panties vending machine was quickly taken off the streets and most porno shops.


Many have considered these machines as a myth but there are too many documented purchases to prove their existence. There also rumors that they still exist illegally all over Japan. They just aren’t public.


The next time I buy a soda or a candy bar from a vending machine I will be thinking of used panties.

Japanese Teacher Vows to have Sex with Chinese Students

September 7, 2010

I’ve always been attracted to Asian women. Not exclusively, of course, since I’ve been in love with and dated many other races as well. Japanese woman, Anri Suzuki makes me wish I were a Chinese student. I’ll explain.

Suziki is a 24-year-old History teacher and porn star that has set a new goal with questionable intentions. She has decided that she is going to have sex with Chinese students to make up for Japan’s invasion of China in 1937.

Suziki has a doctorate in Sino-Japanese history and through her studies she felt shame of her country, Japan’s horrifying invasion of China in 1937 that led to the Second Sino-Japanese War killing nearly 23 million people.

It seems she wants her repentance through her God given talents. No, she’s not paying back with her great knowledge of history but her ability to please sexually. She wants to have sex with as

“We have to respect history and cannot obliterate it. I want to cure the wounds of Chinese with my body, and I am practicing this by having sex with Chinese students in Japan. I think it would be a symbolic compensation for them.” she told The Korean Times.

Symbolic? Possibly. Memorable. Definitely. Who knows?

Anri Susuki’s facebook page

Japanese School Uniforms are a Changin’

August 11, 2010

New School Uniforms in Mitaka, Tokyo, Japan. Mitaka is a city within Tokyo with a population of 175, 712. It was founded in 1950 and has one official Universiy and High School. Somewhere in a hard to find location there is a “clothing optional” college. It’s more of a pre- college similar to county colleges in America. You get an equivalent of an associate’s degree.

Ren Watanabe, principal and headmaster, founded the school Fuki Bunka consisting mostly of high school graduates that aren’t quite ready for a University in 2006 and the enrollment has been increasing since. It’s offers college preparation courses and some under graduate programs like any other school except the dress code is different. Although the teachers are required to remain clothed while teaching, the students are free to go to class and walk around the campus nude. It’s not a requirement for the students so some stay clothed mostly the males. It is required for all students to wear shoes for health reasons.

“I feel that nudity relaxes most students and they tend to learn more when not worrying about what to wear.” Says Ren Watanabe.

It’s not a real well known school and breaks no laws so those that do know about it let the school do their thing. It seems that people in Japan are more open to new ideas even in their educational system.

“At first, I thought there might be a problem with the young men staring at the girls or try to have sex with them but so far they are very polite. Luckily we live in a free yet reserved and polite country.” Says Ren.

When students were asked why they attended such a school the responses were mostly because they like the freedom of being nude while learning. The school also offers classes that others don’t like human development, film, animation and has a strong music department.

“I like it here better than other schools not just because I don’t have to bother with clothes but because the teachers know how to teach. They work on an individual basis if they have to. They show that they care about the students.” Says second year student Teiko Uchida.

I’m not sure how well I would have done in a college like that but it’s worked for four years at Fuki Banka with students moving on to bigger universities and graduating with honors.

Maybe next time I’m in Japan I’ll visit Mitaka and try and audit a class at Fuki Banka.

Information and photograph sources: The Daily Yomiuri Online and Asahi Shimbun Online

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