Mediocrity is the worst. No. Indifference is the worst. I sit here in my usual spot doing my usual things feeling indifferent. I don’t care today. I sit and I wait for inspiration. Not sad. Not happy. Not angry. Not joyful. Not feelings one way or the other. I just do my thing. I go through the motions and wait. Wait for a feeling. For something.
The things that would usual aggravate me or excite me aren’t having an affect on my today. Luckily I am in the habit of doing things. Positive and negative things. Productive and nonproductive.
I write. I wait. I create I wait. I waste time on the internet. I wait. I talk to you. I wait. I have faith it will come. I just don’t know when.
I try and seize the day and not let the day seize me. It doesn’t. I’m indifferent today. I feel mediocre. It’s worse than depression or joy. At least then I have passion.
“Oh dear passion please come to me.” I say.
Then I don’t care again.
I don’t care today. Just for today.