I want to be Different so I can Fit in with the Different People

December 20, 2010

Hipsters, scenesters I don’t wanna be-sters. At one time I thought I wanted to be one. I always loved the word “hip” but I found out that there is a “crowd” for everything including the “hip”. Ever day, every month and ever year I realize more and more that I am a misfit, an outsider or a freak as I was called in High School.

 

Not that I ever tried to fit into a group but found myself hanging with different “in crowds” through the years and I always come to the same conclusion. I don’t fit. I won’t fit. Now I realize that I don’t want to fit. I don’t really care. I have enough trouble fitting in my own skin at times.

 

The other day I went to Fishtown in Philadelphia to do a book reading and signing of my novel at cool book store called Germ Books. They specialize in UFO, conspiracy theories and occult literature. I might have called it hip at one point. I was semi-early and the owner wasn’t there yet so I went to the corner to a coffee shop. I walked into the shop and the place reeked of hipsters. They didn’t literally stink but there was an aroma of another kind.  An aroma of pretentiousness. Maybe they all weren’t pretentious but I got that feel.

 

Now over the years I have gown less and less tolerant of “clicks” or “gangs” of people. I get extremely uncomfortable around a group of more than 3 people especially if they are of the same age, race, uniform etc. This is no different.

 

The band King Missile had a song called I Want to be Different. The lyrics were spoken and the singer says “I want to be different. I want to fit in with the different crowd.” I used to feel that way.

 

For a moment I thought “This is where I should be reading my novel.” Then immediately thought the opposite. These people would be too worried about how they appear in front of one another and not paid any attention. I assumed that they probably couldn’t afford my novel anyway. Ha. I can be so judgmental at times. Hey- I’m human.

 

As I waited in the long line watching these people and  feeling uncomfortable it hit me that I was dressed and carried myself like them. I had the look and I wish I didn’t. These feelings combined with my claustrophobia and semi-social anxiety I fled as fast as I could to get out and drink my coffee and have a smoke before the reading.

 

When it was time to read I looked around at the sparse room of a handful of people and thought how much better it was in the bookstore with people that are truly themselves and interested rather than part of a click. I don’t want to be the “in” event or the “hip” person to see. I want to be me, whatever that is at any given time and be around people that are themselves. Outsiders, freaks, misfits.

“I’m Hip” -Maynard G Krebs


If The Underground Becomes Mainstream then the Mainstream must be the New Underground

July 28, 2010

Is it just my rebelliousness or am I just a living contradiction? I keep going back and forth with the things that interest me. One minute I’ll like it and the next I don’t like it. The reasons I start not liking things is usually because of the popularity of it or the individuals that I’ve met that are into these things.

When the “Underground”. “Subversives”, “Freaks”, and everything considered “Subculture” become “hip” and acceptable to mainstream it makes me less interested. Meeting the people in any click or group that use whatever it is they are interested in to make themselves look or feel cool really turns me off. It’s like that in any scene I guess. Every group has clicks and there are a couple people in them that aren’t like that one on one. I guess the whole click mentality is something I don’t want any part of anymore.

There was a time I wanted to be hip and part of the scene. I was briefly. I found the people to be uninteresting for the most part. I dropped out and did my own thing.

I love horror movies. Lately, I am less interested in going to the conventions or talking about the movies. It’s like everyone’s jumped on the bandwagon and it suddenly turns me off. I’ve been going to these things for over ten years and now because there are conventions closer to my area everyone is going. For some reason that turns me off. It’s just another scene to me now.

I used to love getting tattoos. I got what I wanted and covered my upper arms with them. I even started pretty late on this but it was for me not to be part of anything. The more people I see covered in tattoos the less I want one. I used to go to tattoo conventions and I am less interested now. I lost interest in them. I have 2 gift certificates I received over 3 years ago and haven’t turned them in. Sometimes I even regret having my tattoos. It’s just another scene to me now.

I love sideshows. You know with sword swallowing, fire breathing, bug eating, human blockheads etc. I wanted to be part of that scene for years. I loved traveling to Coney Island, NY to the Sideshow by the Seashore and watch once a year or so. Again after hanging out with the people and seeing it get more popular and mainstream I lost interest. It’s just another scene to me now.

I love Burlesque and pin-up models. Again I get to know them and see the same clicks as I’ve mentioned before I get turned off. The modern revival is becoming too popular. It’s just another scene.

My interest in serial killers has lessened too. I’ve really lost all interest in this one even though I ironically sing about them when I perform my solo acoustic act every so often. I don’t know if it was the popularity factor on this one or I just simply lost interest. John Marr, creator and author of the infamous comic Murder Can Be Fun(not the guitarist or the Smiths) once told me that after years of writing about serial killers it became a formula. Filling the blank serial killer killed fill in the blank number of prostitutes using fill in the blank method. It was the most difficult kind of scene to pin down to type of person but it is just another scene.

I used to love comic books. Superhero comic books especially and I gave them up years ago when everyone started collecting thinking it would make them money. Don’t get me wrong a lot people collect them because they love to read them. Once I saw the popularity grow I stopped reading and going to conventions until I published my own. It’s just another scene.

My list goes on and on. I still like tattoos, Burlesque, sideshows, comic books, and horror movies. Sometimes I hate all of these things. I’m probably going to piss off some people reading this that may be part of a scene that I mentioned but then again if you’re the type of person to take the time to read my writings then you are probably and individual whether you are part of that scene or not.

I have a lot of friends with these interests and in these scenes and many other scenes that I totally love and respect. I’m just expressing how I feel which is on and off day by day concerning my own interests.


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