A Little Off

June 27, 2011

I feel off today.

 

Off.

 

Not good.

 

Not bad.

 

Not in between.

 

Everything is fine.

 

Fine in my head.

 

Fine I can handle it fine.

 

Everything is still fucked up but salvageable.

 

I’m rockin’ n’ rollin’ n’ what not.

 

Ya know. A little here and a little there.

 

Still crazy.

 

Medicated.

 

Off.

 

Sleep. Eat. Shit.

 

The next thing you know I’m here.

 

I sit.

 

I feel off.  I sit.

Sit.

 

Off.

 

Feel.

 

Felt.

 

Over and over.

 

And over again.

 

Breathing is easy.

 

Eating is no problem.

 

Drinking is fine.

 

Fine.

 

I feel fine. Just a little off.

 

Off today.

 

I carry the weight of yours and his and hers and theirs.

 

On my shoulders.

 

Floating on my shoulders.

 

It’s easy.

 

Carrying you is easy.

 

It’s fine.

Fine.

 

Fun keeps following me and I keep shrugging it off.

 

Fun. Off.

 

I scrape the remaining fun off of my upper thigh.

 

I laugh.

 

I cry.

 

I smile.

 

Can I offer you something to lick?

 

How about a sugar cookie?

 

A goober?

 

Fun?

 

It’s over for a moment.

 

Swallow.

 

Swallow the fun that’s left in my mouth.

 

Don’t be afraid.

 

Afraid of me.

 

Afraid of off.

 

Off.

 

I’m off.

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