Excerpt from My First Novel Yellow Socks Confessions of a Non Don Juan

June 4, 2012

An Excerpt from my 2010 novel Yellow Socks- Confessions of a Non Don Juan

 

Skeleton Woman or Things Like Me Don’t Happen To You

 

Christ it happened again. Another notch in my “girls that want to be my friend” belt. It made sense. We were perfect friends and she was real cute too. I kept thinking that I was ok with it. I’d be happy just being a friend again. I keep turning to God for strength to accept my fate as “Friend to all women” that I’m attracted to. My acceptance level seems to be ok. I go to my happy place. I go to my cave. I say the serenity prayer over and over I am sure that I will be ok with this. Yes I will. (no I won’t)

 

Cut to a scene from Fight Club

 

TYLER

Stop it! This is your pain — this is your burning hand. It’s right here! Look at it.

 

JACK

I’m going to my cave. I’m going to my cave to find my power animal!

 

TYLER

No, don’t deal with this the way those dead people do. Come on

!

JACK

I get the point, ok, please!

 

TYLER

No, what you’re feeling is premature enlightenment.

 

Ok. I get the idea. Feel the pain. Feel the hurt. Feel the rejection saturating my heart until I bleed more than just these words all over the place and finger my open sore of a brain as it wants to dwell on her over and over again. Screaming and roaring her name with anger and grief and sometimes a slight relief that it’s done and I know that she will not reject me again unless I go back for more and more or less or a little bite of her cheeseburger and a sip of her Pepsi to tide me over until the next one comes along with better food and spirits for my, for me for. Four scores of seven years itch as I scratch the weathered tired out mongrel of an ego that was left stray years ago in a pound for wayward hearts and letches that can only love and never be loved.

 

The pain of being a friend. A friend. I’ve heard that “Let’s just be friends” millions of times in my life as I gargle a new mouthwash and toothpaste hoping my breath will be the answer to my problem. My problem is as follows: me, myself and I. We altogether are the problem. We want to be loved so bad that we give off the vibe that scares the shit out of women so they just want to be friends. Friends. Friends. I think to myself that will be fine. Friends is ok. It’ll do. I can accept that. Bullshit! Feel the pain I tell myself. Embrace it. the pain is your friend. To hurt is to be alive. I’ve never been so alive. I’m alive. So alive.

 

“Did you ever hear about the skeleton woman?” Morton asked.

 

“Was that a Glam rock band from the seventies?” I ask.

 

“Ha. Ha. Nah. It’s an ancient Indian story. This guy was fishing in the middle of a lake. He was totally into it. He was relaxed. Not a care in the world except catching the next fish. All of a sudden he feels a tug on his line and he yanks it up. A skeleton appears on his line. He doesn’t realize that it’s attached to his line and he gets scared. He starts paddling his boat away from it but it follows him. He still doesn’t realize that it’s attached to his line. He gets out of his boat and runs into the village and he is carrying his fishing rod and the skeleton is still right behind him. He jumps into his Tee Pee and it follows him in. He lies down and tries to hide not looking at it for a while. When he finally turns to look at the skeleton it has changed into the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She is his. The moral of the story is that he was minding his own business doing something he enjoyed and that’s when the right woman came along. In other words when you are not looking for love is when it will find you. ”

 

“I know that but it’s so fucking hard to stay focused on other things without thinking about how much I want to be loved. Fall in love. Ya know?” I responded.

 

“I know. I know.” Morton said.

 

“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” Tyler Durden

 

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Live Book Reading from Yellow Socks Video

April 29, 2011

Now you can read it yourself. Just click the Yellow Socks cover pic.


You Are Handsome

June 4, 2010

“You are handsome” Roger says smiling into the mirror.

This was part of his daily ritual. He wakes up and prays to his God, lights a cigarette and makes the coffee. After he urinates he watches anything he can find interesting on the television until the coffee is made. Roger likes to wake up an hour before he has to leave for work so he can relax with his cigarette coffee and television.

Then it’s time to get ready. He hops in the shower, shaves and smiles into the mirror.

“You are handsome”

He leaves for work with a smile on his face even though he hates his profession. Profession. Heh. Roger works at a newspaper in the research department. His peers are all ten to twenty years younger than him. His immediate supervisor is twenty-six. Roger likes him but feels he could do a better job.

Five days a week Roger arrives early and leaves late to make sure his duties of the day were completed. He was far from incompetent for someone who abhorred his profession. He keeps a smile on his face through the day.

Every time he passes a mirror or his reflection in glass he thinks to himself “You are handsome”.

On the weekend he hangs out with his lovely girlfriend Glori. Glori is a High Fashion model and she is busy all week traveling and modeling for various magazines. Their time together is precious. They have been together for five years. She is one of the reasons he smiles all day.

Lori thinks that Roger should quit his job and follow his dream of being an actor. She has more faith in him than he has in himself.

“You are handsome.” she says.

“and charming and . . ..” she continues.

“And intelligent. I know.” he interrupts.

No matter how much Glori strokes his ego Roger still lacks the confidence to follow his dream.

Glori has offered to support him while he goes to acting school and auditions and such but he just can’t seem to make the jump.

“I am handsome” he laughs.

For some reason Roger has an unwarranted loyalty to his employer. He’s been working there for over ten years with only a couple of raises and no promotions yet he stays there and works his ass off day after day.

“I’ll quit next week” he says at the end of every week.

Next week never comes and he keeps on smiling.

“You are handsome.” he says.


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