We are Merely Players

July 10, 2012

Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut! Stop there. Ok Rich. You got the part all wrong. You’re supposed to be the guy with positive energy surviving on his art and good looks. Where’s this depressive attitude coming from. You’re not supposed to be dragging through the day barely getting anything done. You lost a good part of yesterday this way and almost all of Sunday. I don’t want to hear that Bipolar starving artist routine. I’m not buying it. I don’t care how late in the day it is. Start over now. The films rolling and we’re not on a huge budget ya know. Deal with your “mommy issues” on your own time. I’m sick of doing re-writes just for you. You know how this should play out.

“Hero has a rough life. Hero goes through struggle after struggle. Hero finds true happiness. Hero loses it to his own self destructiveness. Hero admits complete defeat, seeks help and changes his beliefs and attitudes and lives happily ever after one day at a time.”

So let’s start this day over from where you do something productive and finish your laundry.


It’s Not About Me

June 25, 2010

“What do you mean it’s not about me?” I asked.

“It’s not about you man.” He said.

He went on to explain that it’s about being a decent human being and working with other people that need help. In a sense, in order to maintain my own spirituality and well being I have to lose myself in helping others. Give to receive and that kind of shit. That was a long time ago and every day just trying to do what I want to do is a reminder that it’s not about me.

I got up early this morning because my mother needed my car moved so she can get out and do her volunteer work with Meals on Wheels. It’s not about me. I like to relax on the porch with my coffee and cigarettes and write in the morning and the landscaping service shows up. I can’t stand the noise and my allergies get aggravated. It’s not about me. Our neighbor is painting the windows in the house with a friend of his and they are in and out of the house and I hate to have strangers or any outsider around especially when I am trying to relax on the porch It’s not about me.

I stay aggravated half the day because everyone seems to be interrupting my plans and what I expect. It’s not about me.

I get a phone call from someone trying to get sober that I’m not always real crazy about because I’m not sure if he’s serious or not. He wants a ride to a meeting I committed myself to that I don’t even like. He calls three times so I call him back and say that I’ll take him. It’s not about me. I have to leave early for this meeting and pick up hot dogs every week and I don’t even like the meeting. It’s not about me. I get a phone call from the only other dependable member of the group for that runs this meeting saying she won’t be there tonight. I have to do most of the other responsibilities tonight. Once again, it’s not about me.

For the past year or so the theme of my life has been that saying and I still need and get a daily reminder that it’s not about me. It’s about doing the right thing, helping others, taking actions against my will and trying to conform my will with God’s.

It’s not about me.


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