Excerpt from My First Novel Yellow Socks Confessions of a Non Don Juan

June 4, 2012

An Excerpt from my 2010 novel Yellow Socks- Confessions of a Non Don Juan

 

Skeleton Woman or Things Like Me Don’t Happen To You

 

Christ it happened again. Another notch in my “girls that want to be my friend” belt. It made sense. We were perfect friends and she was real cute too. I kept thinking that I was ok with it. I’d be happy just being a friend again. I keep turning to God for strength to accept my fate as “Friend to all women” that I’m attracted to. My acceptance level seems to be ok. I go to my happy place. I go to my cave. I say the serenity prayer over and over I am sure that I will be ok with this. Yes I will. (no I won’t)

 

Cut to a scene from Fight Club

 

TYLER

Stop it! This is your pain — this is your burning hand. It’s right here! Look at it.

 

JACK

I’m going to my cave. I’m going to my cave to find my power animal!

 

TYLER

No, don’t deal with this the way those dead people do. Come on

!

JACK

I get the point, ok, please!

 

TYLER

No, what you’re feeling is premature enlightenment.

 

Ok. I get the idea. Feel the pain. Feel the hurt. Feel the rejection saturating my heart until I bleed more than just these words all over the place and finger my open sore of a brain as it wants to dwell on her over and over again. Screaming and roaring her name with anger and grief and sometimes a slight relief that it’s done and I know that she will not reject me again unless I go back for more and more or less or a little bite of her cheeseburger and a sip of her Pepsi to tide me over until the next one comes along with better food and spirits for my, for me for. Four scores of seven years itch as I scratch the weathered tired out mongrel of an ego that was left stray years ago in a pound for wayward hearts and letches that can only love and never be loved.

 

The pain of being a friend. A friend. I’ve heard that “Let’s just be friends” millions of times in my life as I gargle a new mouthwash and toothpaste hoping my breath will be the answer to my problem. My problem is as follows: me, myself and I. We altogether are the problem. We want to be loved so bad that we give off the vibe that scares the shit out of women so they just want to be friends. Friends. Friends. I think to myself that will be fine. Friends is ok. It’ll do. I can accept that. Bullshit! Feel the pain I tell myself. Embrace it. the pain is your friend. To hurt is to be alive. I’ve never been so alive. I’m alive. So alive.

 

“Did you ever hear about the skeleton woman?” Morton asked.

 

“Was that a Glam rock band from the seventies?” I ask.

 

“Ha. Ha. Nah. It’s an ancient Indian story. This guy was fishing in the middle of a lake. He was totally into it. He was relaxed. Not a care in the world except catching the next fish. All of a sudden he feels a tug on his line and he yanks it up. A skeleton appears on his line. He doesn’t realize that it’s attached to his line and he gets scared. He starts paddling his boat away from it but it follows him. He still doesn’t realize that it’s attached to his line. He gets out of his boat and runs into the village and he is carrying his fishing rod and the skeleton is still right behind him. He jumps into his Tee Pee and it follows him in. He lies down and tries to hide not looking at it for a while. When he finally turns to look at the skeleton it has changed into the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She is his. The moral of the story is that he was minding his own business doing something he enjoyed and that’s when the right woman came along. In other words when you are not looking for love is when it will find you. ”

 

“I know that but it’s so fucking hard to stay focused on other things without thinking about how much I want to be loved. Fall in love. Ya know?” I responded.

 

“I know. I know.” Morton said.

 

“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” Tyler Durden

 

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Are You Guilty of facebook Nonsense? I am.

August 19, 2010

Weird how what comes around goes around. Irony. One day I’m complaining about people “deleting” me on the almighty networking site facebook and the next day I want to delete people for expressing themselves. It’s not the expressing that bothers me as much as it is when I see people attack others through comments and status entries on there. Some even attack others by name. I have to remember that I’ve been deleted because people don’t like what I post. I have to remember that I’ve attacked people when I was angry on facebook as well. I didn’t use names but there was enough information for the people that knew the person figured it out.

I am going to stick to my guns for now. I made a resolution to not respond, attack or delete someone for their behavior unless it’s extreme harassment or threats or something drastic. Say what your going to say and I’ll deal with it. There is an option on facebook to hide people that you don’t want to read their statuses. I’ve used this before for silly stuff like being tired of hearing about what a person is eating every hour or their break up updates every few hours or even minutes. I still like these people and want to be friends with them and I can always unhide them at another time. It’s not as bad as Twitter.

Ok, I admit that I spend way too much time on facebook and I enjoy it. I go on to have fun and socialize especially when the real world bores me or I’m feeling anti-social in person. I try to be respectful, playful and fun. I understand that my interests and sense of humor may be offensive at times but that’s who I am and I have to work on not taking it so personal when someone doesn’t like it. One facebook friend got offended when I “tagged” her in a semi-sexual photo I posted. The term tag means I posted her name on a picture and then it appeared on my page and hers. She was very polite in her confrontation and she let it go and we are better friends for it.

Maybe one day I’ll get a real job and a real life and not be so concerned with such trivialities. These are just the thoughts of the moment and I’ll forget about it later while I am “poking” my friends on facebook while ding 10 other things on the computer. Ha.


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