A Mexican Stole my Lunch Today

June 24, 2010

I wrote this Tuesday, June 15, 2004 Sometimes I really enjoy going through old writings.

I rolled over in my nylon mesh underwear as she stood there laughing at me. I felt silly and pathetic. Candice smiled as she helped me up off of the ground. “You never should have tried the high wire walk. I told you that you were too fat.” She said snickering. Mmm. Snickers. I’m hungry. “Let’s get some Ben and Jerry’s tonight.” I suggested. “No thanks. I’ll just vomit it up anyway. I have a photo shoot tomorrow,” “Yeah, I forgot.” I yanked the nylon wedgy out of my ass. She always got a kick out of that. “Will you rub my belly till I fall asleep, then?” I begged. “If you keep your tight little outfit on, I will.” The television was blaring as I fell asleep on Candice’s lap. She rubbed my belly till I fell asleep. I slept great that night. I woke up the next morning to her pretty voice singing in the shower. I walked to the bathroom door and opened it slowly. She had the rubber bunny shower slippers I gave her last Fourth of July on her feet so she wouldn’t slip. The surgery had done wonders for her hump. You could barely tell it was ever there. I knew. I loved her with it and I lover her without it. “Judy. Judy. Judy.” I said giving her my best Carey Grant impression. She never heard of Cary Grant. I never heard of Hanover Spudnick. I figure that makes us even. She cried and vomited her breakfast into my new Cowboy hat. I didn’t mind. I kind of liked it. She left around 7:30 am for her photo shoot. I took off the nylon mesh underwear that was itching me like mad and went back to sleep dreaming of her pimpled face and plastic surgery scars. Candice always knew what I liked.

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