The Artsy Girl – an Excerpt from my novel Yellow Socks

July 11, 2011

The Artsy Girl (as it originally appeared in Yellow Socks: Confessions of a Non-Don Juan)

 

Living with Terry and Morton was a blast. They were both in their early thirties and I was in my late twenties. We are all artists in one way or another and we were all on the prowl for the ladies as we clumsily tried to pick them up at coffee shops, AA meetings, bars, art shows and anywhere else we thought that we could find our type.

 

Our types varied. Terry was obsessed with finding a “Vampire chick” or a “Goth Chick’. Ironically he dressed kind of standard 1988 in 1995. He had that bob cut hair. It was kind of long on the sides and real short in the back. Morton was after the “Rocker Chick Slut” or the “New Age Hippie chick.” He usually dressed the part either wearing his new age outfit or his Rock star clothes. He had long black died hair. As for me, I stood by with my usual requirements: any good-looking girl that actually liked me. We rarely found what we were looking for after obsessing day and night about these fantasy girls we would never have. We had fun in our bonding of failures with the ladies.

 

We all lived in a house that Terry owned in a town on the outskirts of Camden, NJ. It was a poor neighborhood and was becoming racially mixed. It was mostly poor minorities and white trash. The chances of ever seeing hot chicks that fit our tastes were next to impossible.

 

Then she appeared. A young girl of maybe seventeen walked by our house every day around 5:30 pm. She dressed a little on the “alternative” side. It was around the end of the grunge years and that’s when the poor neighborhoods usually take over a style is when the middle class is done with it. Always a step behind. Kind of like us. So Terry nicknamed her the “Artsy Girl” because he says she dresses artsy. It was a style that was once artsy but not now. The three of us became obsessed with her. Everyday at 5:30 one of us would call to the others “Artsy Girl!” and we’d all come running to the kitchen window to see her.

 

“Artsy Girl!” I said.

 

“Where?” Terry said.

 

“I don’t see her. Did I miss her?” Morton said.

 

“Stop fucking with us, man. This is the highlight of our day. We don’t need to be teased.” Terry said.

 

“Sorry. I just think that it’s funny that we all start salivating the minute someone rings the Artsy Girl bell.” I said.

 

She was cute in her little flowered dresses and her Doc Martins. She had medium length reddish brown hair and pretty brown eyes.

 

One day I was walking home from the train and I ended up walking home with her. She didn’t acknowledge ever seeing me before. Thank God. She didn’t know what a letch I was. Her name was Megan. She just got out of High School. She was going to start working at the local convenience store. I was going to hit on her then I realized that she was just a regular little girl. That’s ok but not for me. When we got to my house I felt sadness in her eyes that I was going home without hitting on her or asking her for her phone number. After getting to know her the thrill of the “Artsy Girl” vanished. I realized that I am not the letch I thought. She was too young and too inexperienced in life.

 

I still fucked with the roommates though. I still gave them the mating call of the Artsy Girl. They still kept a running. I never felt the same again.

Purchase your copy of Yellow Socks; Confessions of a Non-Don Juan here.


The Fabulous Photography of Isabella Angelina

January 31, 2011

Isabella an extremely talented photographer. I wanted to share her work with you. I love the way she captures the personality or feeling of the subject and infuses her her own feelings of the money.

All rights reserved by Isabella Angelina

boys

girls

hallway

home

old.days

boots

piss

somebody


STOPLESS: an Almost All Girl Nude Band

August 25, 2010

STOPLESS was a band consisting of several girls and myself that played secretly during my hiatus from

Bailey

the music business from 2008 – late 2009. Because the girls made me sign a contract I wasn’t supposed to mention that I was in the band because they didn’t want my fans of the past that were into serial killers following us around. The only reason I joined to be honest was because they were all hot and they played naked. I figured even if I couldn’t get with any of the girls I could at least look at them nude a few times a week.

Janie - She hated me

I got to be the front “man” which of course disappointed our make audience but there were always a surprising amount of

Me

females at the shows that liked my nudity. It was a fun gig. Although the girls didn’t like my serial killer songs they didn’t mind the fake blood and my cowboy hat.

There were 4 guitarists: Emily, Karen, Johanna  and Kim plus the one that quit, Janie, 1 bassist, Sue and 1 drummer, Bailey. It was big band and despite our interests in GG Allin, The Mentors and

Emily

Antiseen we wrote, played and performed power pop, the girls thought it was a good idea because we’d get more of an audience since we’re a band of naked members.

We wrote about 20 songs and performed the 10 best of them. Unfortunately, we never recorded anything before we broke up. We were doomed from the start anyway. Janie lasted 2 shows and said she couldn’t stand seeing me naked and quite. I wore boots and a cowboy hat. I wasn’t totally naked. The other girls thought I was the gimmick and would appeal to a straight girl and maybe a gay man audience. I’d like to look back and think that I did.

Our performances were usually limited because most venues don’t allow nudity where they serve alcohol so we played a lot of

Karen

dives, parties and Go-Go bars.

Emily was more or less the leader of the band. She’s the one that played the acoustic guitar giving us a

Johanna

unique sound. It seemed like all of the girls had ego issues as well as body issues and there would always be arguments about the way we played songs, who is going to write what and the major issue was the nudity. Emily explained over and over that was out niche. That is what separated us from other bands. Hot naked girls and a dude to balance it out.

Luckily, they had no issues with me until the end. They seemed to adore me. I even had a brief

Kim

affair with Johanna. She was a real doll. I really wanted to get with Bailey the drummer but she was always with a different guy it seemed.

Sue

I started gaining weight from medication I was taking and the girls had an issue with it. They gave me a month to start losing weight or they were going to move on without me. I didn’t and they did. Moved on without me. It was down hill from there. I hear the fighting got worse without me in the band to negotiate for them. Then the real drama kicked in when Karen started dating Emily’ ex-boyfriend. The ended it almost a year ago.

Emily has been wanting to do a reunion show for the past few months but I’m not into it. I still keep in

Bailey

touch with the girls but separately and don’t mention the other ones. I’m friends with them all on faceboook.  should be resentful at all of them but I’m not. My life moved on and so did theirs.


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