April 1, 2012

I TRY TO IGNORE THE WHISPERS LOUDER THAN THE SCREAMS. IN DREAMS I WALK WITH YOU. You Roy.  I AM TRAVELLING. Always traveling. Moving. New apartment. New house. New CCITEE-Y. NEW STATE. STATE OF MIND. Party goers and house warmers and birthday goers and CHRISTmas mass attendees gather. I know some then I know everyone. I am no one. They don’t see me this way. He doesn’t see me this way. She. You.


MR SANDMAN BRING ME A DREAM.. I know you. I love you LOVE! I carry buckets of paint to your house and the party has just begun. I GET NO KICK FROM CHAMPAGNE either Frank, baby. Seven sisters of love pies stare at me and glare at ME AND THAT LOOK. THAT LOOK. IT SENDS CHILLLS DOWN MY SCARS- inside and outside that run against my heart. Let’s get this CHORDETTEONIAN PARTY STARTED MR JIMMY!


I put my arm around Grandmom to say I love you. People STARING. People caring. Empty people fill the crowded party. Acting hearty. Listing their character defects. Last chance. MY DEAD GRANDMOM TURNS HER HEAD AND SAYS “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!”



I wake up smoking and drift back along the sea of asphalt, scraping my fat ass and ripping my favorite dream jeans still wondering what I did. WHAT DID I DO THAT GRANDMOM KNOWS I DID? Was it last summer Jennifer Love?


I am alone. ALONE. MY NEWEST OF THE NEW HOUSES. Sir Raleigh comes with news. I thought he said PRESIDENT REAGAN HAD DIED OF INDECENT IMPLOSURE. I didn’t care until I realized he wasn’t just dreaming about my Dream girl locked in his dungeon TIED UP WITH VINES and THE SISTERS OF REJECTION.






My throat fills with vomit and joy. IN DREAMS I DO COKE WITH YOU.


Stolen emotions and borrowed gifts are shared at the airport and train stations and parking lots and I’M STILL NOT SURE WHICH IS WHICH. IN DREAMS I TALK TO YOU. Us is back and you is cornered and still slip away. Reptilian monkeys bred become bread for the children of Elizabethan peasants but I grab two of them and hand them to the girl with ruby slippers and she vanishes like the Dark Knight into the dark night when she hears Bruno approach.


“I’ll whip you now my pretty and your LITTLE MAN too! Hahahahaha” Bruno yells but not enough to find her. I find her in her Old Kentucky home with three wooden porch steps away and I go into seizures. Jules Vern hides Tu-Tu Hundred Feet Under The Sea Under The Porch. I pass out. DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM –DUM DUM DUM DUM DUM. MR SANDMAN WAKES ME. The ape lizards have grown by the time I reach the inside. The Dark Huntress awaits me wearing a smile and a bra. I am excited to see her but worry about poor Mr Vern. Guilt reddens my pink face knowing that I shouldn’t be THERE. The Queen would be quite jealous and take away my deconstructed addictive Kingdom. SHE IS THERE AND SHE IS THERE. IT WAS A DUBIOUS PLAN OF THE HUNTRESS OF DARK TO HAVE Mr Vern under the porch and watch my web of lies unfold. The evil one IS not Bruno and I NOW KNOW WHAT GRANDMOM KNOWS I DID. I JUST DIDN’T DO IT YET WHEN SHE TOLD ME.


Caught in the trap admiring the salamander gorilla’s ability to change in size determined by the cage they are in. I imagine if they were let loose if they could grow bigger than the entire world. My Darling Queen and my Miss Huntress dance and change clothes despite the height and come out laughing at me and yet forgiving me and I feel a calm as MY DEAD GRANDMOM SAYS “ I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID.”

You Are Handsome

June 4, 2010

“You are handsome” Roger says smiling into the mirror.

This was part of his daily ritual. He wakes up and prays to his God, lights a cigarette and makes the coffee. After he urinates he watches anything he can find interesting on the television until the coffee is made. Roger likes to wake up an hour before he has to leave for work so he can relax with his cigarette coffee and television.

Then it’s time to get ready. He hops in the shower, shaves and smiles into the mirror.

“You are handsome”

He leaves for work with a smile on his face even though he hates his profession. Profession. Heh. Roger works at a newspaper in the research department. His peers are all ten to twenty years younger than him. His immediate supervisor is twenty-six. Roger likes him but feels he could do a better job.

Five days a week Roger arrives early and leaves late to make sure his duties of the day were completed. He was far from incompetent for someone who abhorred his profession. He keeps a smile on his face through the day.

Every time he passes a mirror or his reflection in glass he thinks to himself “You are handsome”.

On the weekend he hangs out with his lovely girlfriend Glori. Glori is a High Fashion model and she is busy all week traveling and modeling for various magazines. Their time together is precious. They have been together for five years. She is one of the reasons he smiles all day.

Lori thinks that Roger should quit his job and follow his dream of being an actor. She has more faith in him than he has in himself.

“You are handsome.” she says.

“and charming and . . ..” she continues.

“And intelligent. I know.” he interrupts.

No matter how much Glori strokes his ego Roger still lacks the confidence to follow his dream.

Glori has offered to support him while he goes to acting school and auditions and such but he just can’t seem to make the jump.

“I am handsome” he laughs.

For some reason Roger has an unwarranted loyalty to his employer. He’s been working there for over ten years with only a couple of raises and no promotions yet he stays there and works his ass off day after day.

“I’ll quit next week” he says at the end of every week.

Next week never comes and he keeps on smiling.

“You are handsome.” he says.

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