Excerpt from My First Novel Yellow Socks Confessions of a Non Don Juan

June 4, 2012

An Excerpt from my 2010 novel Yellow Socks- Confessions of a Non Don Juan

 

Skeleton Woman or Things Like Me Don’t Happen To You

 

Christ it happened again. Another notch in my “girls that want to be my friend” belt. It made sense. We were perfect friends and she was real cute too. I kept thinking that I was ok with it. I’d be happy just being a friend again. I keep turning to God for strength to accept my fate as “Friend to all women” that I’m attracted to. My acceptance level seems to be ok. I go to my happy place. I go to my cave. I say the serenity prayer over and over I am sure that I will be ok with this. Yes I will. (no I won’t)

 

Cut to a scene from Fight Club

 

TYLER

Stop it! This is your pain — this is your burning hand. It’s right here! Look at it.

 

JACK

I’m going to my cave. I’m going to my cave to find my power animal!

 

TYLER

No, don’t deal with this the way those dead people do. Come on

!

JACK

I get the point, ok, please!

 

TYLER

No, what you’re feeling is premature enlightenment.

 

Ok. I get the idea. Feel the pain. Feel the hurt. Feel the rejection saturating my heart until I bleed more than just these words all over the place and finger my open sore of a brain as it wants to dwell on her over and over again. Screaming and roaring her name with anger and grief and sometimes a slight relief that it’s done and I know that she will not reject me again unless I go back for more and more or less or a little bite of her cheeseburger and a sip of her Pepsi to tide me over until the next one comes along with better food and spirits for my, for me for. Four scores of seven years itch as I scratch the weathered tired out mongrel of an ego that was left stray years ago in a pound for wayward hearts and letches that can only love and never be loved.

 

The pain of being a friend. A friend. I’ve heard that “Let’s just be friends” millions of times in my life as I gargle a new mouthwash and toothpaste hoping my breath will be the answer to my problem. My problem is as follows: me, myself and I. We altogether are the problem. We want to be loved so bad that we give off the vibe that scares the shit out of women so they just want to be friends. Friends. Friends. I think to myself that will be fine. Friends is ok. It’ll do. I can accept that. Bullshit! Feel the pain I tell myself. Embrace it. the pain is your friend. To hurt is to be alive. I’ve never been so alive. I’m alive. So alive.

 

“Did you ever hear about the skeleton woman?” Morton asked.

 

“Was that a Glam rock band from the seventies?” I ask.

 

“Ha. Ha. Nah. It’s an ancient Indian story. This guy was fishing in the middle of a lake. He was totally into it. He was relaxed. Not a care in the world except catching the next fish. All of a sudden he feels a tug on his line and he yanks it up. A skeleton appears on his line. He doesn’t realize that it’s attached to his line and he gets scared. He starts paddling his boat away from it but it follows him. He still doesn’t realize that it’s attached to his line. He gets out of his boat and runs into the village and he is carrying his fishing rod and the skeleton is still right behind him. He jumps into his Tee Pee and it follows him in. He lies down and tries to hide not looking at it for a while. When he finally turns to look at the skeleton it has changed into the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She is his. The moral of the story is that he was minding his own business doing something he enjoyed and that’s when the right woman came along. In other words when you are not looking for love is when it will find you. ”

 

“I know that but it’s so fucking hard to stay focused on other things without thinking about how much I want to be loved. Fall in love. Ya know?” I responded.

 

“I know. I know.” Morton said.

 

“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” Tyler Durden

 

To purchase click here


Fetishes Part 6 – Nyotaimori Sushi and Naked Women

April 6, 2012

Nyotaimori

Fetish. The psychological definition of a fetish is any object or non-genital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Paraphilia is a biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her. A paraphilia involves sexual arousal and gratification towards sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. –Wikipedia

This is part 6 in my weird fetish series. Click here for part 5-Mechanophilia, here for part 4- Formicophilia, here for part 3- Trichophilia, here for part 2 Dacryphilia– and here for part 1- Nasophilia. Today it’s about Technophile.

Nyotaimori (Japanese: 女体盛り, “female body presentation”), often referred to as “body sushi”, is the practice of serving sashimi or sushi from the body of a woman, typically naked. Nantaimori (Japanese: 男体盛り) refers to the same practice using a male model. This subdivision of food play is originally an obscure Japanese practice not common in Japanese culture but that has attracted considerable international media attention. –Wikipedia

Some say it’s an art and others a novelty. Underneath it all there was and is a fetish quality to it and has been since the ancient ritual has begun. For people who love sushi and love mixing food with sex it is an erotic pleasurable experience.

Nyotaimori is the “art” or “fetish” of being aroused eating sushi off of the body of a naked woman or man depending on the party, customer and restaurant and it is one of many fetishes that involve sex and food. Many people enjoy combining these two parts of life because they are both very pleasurable, so you get double the enjoyment by putting them together. There are many restaurants in the U.S. and throughout Europe who use naked models with strategically placed dishes or leaves to serve sushi off of; you just have to enjoy your sushi at body temperature.

There are also body preparation requirements. The body must be thoroughly cleaned with anti-biotic, hypo-allergenic and fragrance free soap. This is followed by splashes of cold water to withstand the cold sushi and keep it cold as long as possible. Some governments require a layer of plastic between the body and the sushi due to sanitation laws and I’m sure this is not as enjoyable for the fetishist.

I’ sure I would try it for the sheer novelty of it like trying any novelty restaurant. I think I’ve said this before, as many kinks and fetishes I do have, mixing food with sex is one thing I can’t stomach.

Although a lot of Nyotaimori is experienced through dinner parties and the hiring of models that can stand still, there are reastaurants as well.

Here’s a website I found called Sushi Nomads http://www.sushinomads.com/sushi-blog/nyotaimori-and-nantaimori-naked-sushi

For all of your Nyotaimori needs.


Fetishes Part 4- Formicophilia: Insect Fetish

April 17, 2011

Fetish. The psychological definition of a fetish is any object or non-genital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

Paraphilia is a biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her. A paraphilia involves sexual arousal and gratification towards sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. –Wikipedia

This is part 4 in my weird fetish series. Click here for part 3, here for part 2 and here for part 1. Today it’s about Formicophilia.

Formicophilia, a form of zoophilia, is the sexual interest in being crawled upon or nibbled by small insects, such as ants. This paraphilia often involves the application of insects to the genitals, but other areas of the body may also be the focus. The desired effect may be a tickling or stinging sensation, or the infliction of psychological distress on another person. -Wikipedia

There are select people out there who want to put insects on their genitals for sexual arousal. Others enjoy a sexual pleasure inflicting it on other people. I try not to judge because anyone that has known me intimately knows I’m full of “unique” sexual interests.

I have no personal experience with this particular fetish. I never heard of it until today. I wonder what my reaction would be if I encountered a sex partner who wanted bugs on themselves or me for sexual stimuli. I’ve always been pretty open when it comes to sex and people’s fetishes. I also have limits. I don’t judge people for their fantasies and turn-ons but sometimes there are moral dilemmas. Technically this is Zoophilia. It’s getting sexual pleasure from animals. I consider animals to be unwilling partners therefore it’s a form of rape. True acts against nature. What did they call it in Clerks 2? Interspecies Erotica? It’s too unnatural in my opinion. I usually don’t have opinions either.

Anyone can fantasize about anything the want but if it’s with an unwilling partner whether it be a mentally handicapped person, child, animal or insects, it’s considered rape in this mentally handicapped (?) sexual deviant(?).


Fetishes Part 2 -Dacryphilia

February 5, 2011

Fetish. The psychological definition of a fetish is any object or non-genital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation. An extreme form of a fetish is called paraphilia.

 

Paraphilia is a biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her. A paraphilia involves sexual arousal and gratification towards sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. -Wikipedia

 

That being said brings me to my 2nd article about less known fetishes: dacryphila. (Click here for Fetishes Part 1 -Nasophilia.)

 

Dacryphilia (also known as dacrylagnia) is a form of paraphilia in which one is aroused by tears or sobbing. Dacryphilia is primarily associated with males.

The term covers all forms of pleasure from the tears of others. The arousal is achieved when viewing a person in emotional distress. It carries the theme where a person (often a top in a BDSM relationship) induces another (the bottom) to cry, or otherwise show a strong emotion. –Wikipedia

 

For the most part the term is applied to dominant men making a woman cry through verbal abuse, spanking, whipping and similar “punishment” actions. It is a form of power play where the dominant controls the psychological response from the receiver. The dacryphiliac gets extreme pleasure and sexual arousal watching someone in emotional distress.

 

Although it’s more pleasurable for the dacryphiliac to cause the tears of another, he can also be passive and enjoy watching the person cry no matter who or what is causing it.

Any visual and sound of a person crying can set off the dacryphilia. Typically, a woman crying sets a man off sexually.

 

For some dacryphiliacs it only takes their own tears to get aroused.

 

I feel like crying for these people.

 

 

 

 

 

If you have dacryphilia here’s a popular YouTube video for you-


Used Panties Vending Machines in Japan

October 22, 2010

The most interesting stories come from Japan. True stories. Where else in the world can you buy used worn panties from a street or in store vending machine? That’s right. There are panties vending machines in Japan. The are sold for the equivalent of US $50 a pair and up. Price varies with  how long a pair has been worn.

 

The machine is set up like a standard vending machine. Each spot has a box with a picture of the supposed girl that wore them. The most popular are the schoolgirl panties. Some machines even sell the entire school girl uniform.

 

The panties vending machine was introduced in 1993 in Chiba City.A standard practice of some porn shops was to have a schoolgirl stop by and change into a chosen pair by the owner. The girl changes into them and wears them all day at school. After school the girl would return them and change back into her old pair and get paid. Sometimes the girls would sell the panties they wore at home as well as he pairs they were supplied. Of course these were big sellers.

 

Japan has a reputation of selling what we in the US would consider unusual items in vending machines such as cameras, new pairs of pantyhose, porno magazines, condoms, and horoscopes.  It almost makes sense that someone would come up with perverted machine that vends used underwear.

 

Once the word spread that these machines existed there was an immediate out cry. Although there were laws regulating the sale of new items in vending machines, there were no laws regarding used items. The market flourished for a while. By the end of the year authorities found a law concerning the sale of antique items. The antique dealing law requires special registration to sell antique and “used items”. The infamous panties vending machine was quickly taken off the streets and most porno shops.

 

Many have considered these machines as a myth but there are too many documented purchases to prove their existence. There also rumors that they still exist illegally all over Japan. They just aren’t public.

 

The next time I buy a soda or a candy bar from a vending machine I will be thinking of used panties.


Chainsaw Suicide

June 10, 2010

I knew Nadia briefly when we worked together at Starbucks. She was a decent barista but a real good person. When everyone else was making fun of me or avoiding me she was always nice and sometimes even flirted with me. I guess you could say I had a little crush on her. She was a petite girl with beautiful brownish hazel eyes and long dark hair she kept tied up at work. I never saw her out of her Starbucks uniform but imagined her to have a nice body. I never had the balls to ask her out even though we took breaks together and ate lunch together.

That was years ago and I haven’t thought much about her in years until I was reading the paper the other day. There was an article with a headline that read “Chainsaw suicide 27 year old Nadia Clifford takes her own life with a chainsaw.” I was shocked and I cried a bit. Wow. I knew her and what a way to go. After the shock wore down a little and I finished the article I realized it never explained how she pulled that off.

How does one kill them selves with a chainsaw? Did she hold it in front of her and chop off her own head? Did she thrust it into her chest? Did she secure it on a table and run head first into it? Or run neck first? Chest first? Maybe she secured it on a table and ran backwards into it so she didn’t have to see it coming? I wanted to know for some morbid reason. I needed to know.

I wrote the newspaper and haven’t heard back yet. I was going to look up her family and ask them but that would be in bad taste. The funeral is this week maybe I’ll go and see if I can find out there.

I should be praying for her family. I should be wondering why a nice young good-looking woman would end her own life. I should be mourning her in some way but I just keep wondering how does someone commit a chainsaw suicide? My curiosity will probably never be satisfied.

NOTE: I just googled “chainsaw suicide” and there apparently many cases of this form of killing one’s self. I thought I’d heard about everything.


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