I Am . . .

June 29, 2011

I’m fucking riled up and irritated. Anxiety is creeping into my blood stream exploding in my brain and heart. Imaginary convulsions. Public anxiety. Private anxiety. What’s the difference?

 

I feel safe for a while then it happens all over again. One bad apple spoils the fucking tree. Fuck that apple and the tree and the branches and the roots. Fuck you too.

 

Question my capabilities. You threaten my art. You are nothing. What have you done? Who are you?

 

I am Rich Hillen Jr. I am an American artist. I am a dream. I am a nightmare. I am sick. I forget that sometimes. Why does it seem that people bring out the disease? Make it worse.

 

“Snap out of it.” “Force yourself to do it” “ Get over it” “Move on.” “Just do it” “Do this” Do that”

 

Fuck you.

 

I do what I can when I can the best I can and that’s all there is to it. You don’t like it then leave me the fuck alone. Go. Now.

 

I can’t take people’s opinions, advice, recommendations, suggestions, demands, orders or anything you have to say that doesn’t support what I am doing.

 

Look, you don’t know what it’s like to to be me. To be infected with several diseases. Inflicted for life. Like it or not.

 

Even with my problems, even with what you view as me being lazy or rebellious or whatever, I have done more than you can dream of. I’ve been a rock star, an artist, made more money than you, fucked more than you, lived, truly lived more than you ever will.

 

Through my inferiority I see that I am superior to you. I’m not going to let you destroy me.


Live Book Reading from Yellow Socks Video

April 29, 2011

Now you can read it yourself. Just click the Yellow Socks cover pic.


Fetishes Part 3-Trichophilia: Hair Fetish

February 24, 2011

Fetish. The psychological definition of a fetish is any object or non-genital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation. It can also be sub categorized as a paraphilia.

Paraphilia is a biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her. A paraphilia involves sexual arousal and gratification towards sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. -Wikipedia

This is my 3rd fetish article about trichophilia.(click here to read part 2 and here for part 1)

Trichophilia or hair fetishism is a paraphilia in which one becomes sexually aroused by, or is extremely fond of, human hair; commonly head hair.

Arousal may occur from imagery and physical contact of hair, this includes head hair, pubic hair, axillary hair and fur. Head hair arousal may come from watching or touching very long hair, hair cutting, long bangs, red hair (freckle fetishism), wet hair, new hairstyles, permanent wave etc.

Long hair fetishism as well as haircut fetishism seems to be common, since there are hundreds of web sites and forums devoted to both these forms of fetishisms, based in countries around the world. Especially the haircut fetish is apparently a secret, largely unknown or little discussed by the media, or even acknowledged in Western culture. –Wikipedia

There was a girl I used to hang out with at my favorite watering hole years ago. She had the best hair. She had long black full hair halfway down her back. She never made an effort to put any work into it either. She washed it and combed it and let it fall as is. “As is” was perfect. You’re probably thinking I have Trichophilia about now but this girl’s hair could give anyone a temporary case of Trichophilia,

She told me a story about a man stopping her on the street and offered her $1,000 to “cum” on her hair. She politely declined in her usual non-chalant way. She wasn’t shocked easily. I told her she should have done it. We had a good laugh and went on with our night. My hair was long at the time and wondered if I would have taken the money.

I guess I’ve been aware of a hair fetish but never thought much about it until I googled it and found hundreds of sites talking about it, showing pics and videos. I find it interesting that people have various fetishes and paraphilia. It’s also interesting that it’s mostly men that have them statistically.

So, ladies, when your running your fingers through your hair or flipping it around so men will notice keep in mind that there might be a trichophiliac in the room or on the street of sitting next to you right now.

 

 

 


Fetishes Part 2 -Dacryphilia

February 5, 2011

Fetish. The psychological definition of a fetish is any object or non-genital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation. An extreme form of a fetish is called paraphilia.

 

Paraphilia is a biomedical term used to describe sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or persons associated with him or her. A paraphilia involves sexual arousal and gratification towards sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. -Wikipedia

 

That being said brings me to my 2nd article about less known fetishes: dacryphila. (Click here for Fetishes Part 1 -Nasophilia.)

 

Dacryphilia (also known as dacrylagnia) is a form of paraphilia in which one is aroused by tears or sobbing. Dacryphilia is primarily associated with males.

The term covers all forms of pleasure from the tears of others. The arousal is achieved when viewing a person in emotional distress. It carries the theme where a person (often a top in a BDSM relationship) induces another (the bottom) to cry, or otherwise show a strong emotion. –Wikipedia

 

For the most part the term is applied to dominant men making a woman cry through verbal abuse, spanking, whipping and similar “punishment” actions. It is a form of power play where the dominant controls the psychological response from the receiver. The dacryphiliac gets extreme pleasure and sexual arousal watching someone in emotional distress.

 

Although it’s more pleasurable for the dacryphiliac to cause the tears of another, he can also be passive and enjoy watching the person cry no matter who or what is causing it.

Any visual and sound of a person crying can set off the dacryphilia. Typically, a woman crying sets a man off sexually.

 

For some dacryphiliacs it only takes their own tears to get aroused.

 

I feel like crying for these people.

 

 

 

 

 

If you have dacryphilia here’s a popular YouTube video for you-


Afghanistan All GIrl Band Rock their Burkas!!!

January 29, 2011

I have not had this much excitement over a discovery of a new band since my friend dragged me to see the Japanese Punk band Peelander-Z who bill themselves as a “Japanese Action Comic Punk band hailing from the Z area of Planet Peelander”. Each member is dressed in a Power Rangers style costumes with hard plastic colored wigs to match and name themselves after each color: Peelander Blue, red and Yellow. They have one of the craziest and funniest stage acts and songs. I’ll have to right about them another time. Look them up on YouTube although you have to see them live to really appreciate them. It’s like watching rocky Horror on television instead of the movie theater or worse: listening to the soundtrack without ever seeing the movie at all.

This article is about my latest discovery. It’s about the controversial Afghan all girl pop punk trio called the Blue Burka Band. The band had a short career in 2003 because in Afghanistan music and dancing was forbidden under the Taliban rule. Afghanistan still considers girls playing music and singing as even more of a disgrace.

These three girls draped in their blue burkas blare their rebellious and hilarious songs like pros. Their style has been compared to the 1980’s band Bananarama. They do the standard simple steps, microphone and guitars swinging but between the satirical and political lyrics and pop punk music they are not just your average girl band. Oh yeah, let’s not forget the burkas that not only make a political statement, show their sense of humor and mystery but hide them from their audience, the media and their potential oppressors and enemies.

They sing songs making fun of the Afghanistan oppressors and the burkas them selves. Their biggest hit is a song called Blue Burka with lyrics like “You give me all your love, you give me all your kisses, and then you touch my burka, and don’t know who it is…”

Unlike the rock n roll legend KISS who kept their secret identities in the 1970’s for the novelty and the anonymity in public, the Blue Burka Band stay under their burkas hide their identity from the authorities of Afghanistan. Their very existence was and stil can be dangerous on multiple levels. The were breaking “laws” by being women singing in a band, making fun of the ruling class, wearing the burkas to mock the oppression of women in Afghanistan.

They recorded their single in Germany in 2003 and played shows in Europe when they could. Despite the changes in the following years they still won’t play in Afghanistan and are pretty much staying underground waiting for the right time to emerge again. According to the singer to this day there are only 10 people in Afghanistan that know their real identity.

Unfortunately the only way to see their video these days is on YouTube. One day they hope to get back on the road and record. I can’t wait. I hope they grace the stages of the United States or I might have to break down and get a passport.


I’m at Wit’s End . . . Help Me

January 26, 2011

I’m at wit’s end right now. I’m at wit’s about everything but I’m not going to talk about right now. Not the personal stuff. Maybe some of it will slip. Ok a lot of it will because it’s all connected. I’m thinking out loud so to speak. Or should I say I’m thinking on paper or ..well “I’m thinking on a word document so to write.”

 

I am frustrated about money, creativity and various projects. I have a lot going on at the same time and between my ADHD and being Bipolar my focus and follow through is all over the place. Top it off with the Trigeminal Neuralgia popping up now and then and it’s difficult to even finish writing a blog sometimes.

 

Ok. Hopefully you’ve been reading my blogs so I don’t have to repeat myself. I probably will anyway.

 

I am desperately trying to figure out a way to make money on the internet and or through my art specifically. I have books published for sale, art for sale, T-shirts for sale; I have affiliate programs with dozens of web sites and my own social network. I have made a little money here and there and don’t know what to do next. I keep doing what I’ve been doing. I promote on all of the social networks I belong to. I promote on my blog sites as you know and I’ll get to that at the end of the blog.

 

I have other options for the books. The publisher has several marketing packages that cost money. That option is out. I sent several press releases about my books and no write-ups except by my friend at the Philadelphia City Paper. Maybe I need to send more. I did one book signing and little success. I can also send the book out to more publishers because my publisher doesn’t have the rights to it. I do. Everything takes time and money. I have the time but not the money. Yet.

 

It’s weird how I post links to my novel, Yellow Socks and the Best of the Serial Killer Coloring Book several times a week. I think I am spamming sometimes or over kill it. I get responses that people like the post then they don’t buy it. I also get people that say how bad they want to purchase my book but they haven’t gotten around to it yet. They don’t. Then there are the people that ask me where they can purchase the books when the links are posted all over my profiles and blogs. I tell them politely and then they don’t buy anything. It’s the same with my t-shirt site. I lower my expectations but keep my hopes high. I end up with constant repressed frustration. People are people and I do the same thing sometimes.

 

I knew starting a new social network at the same time that the almighty king of social network’s prime. My social network, Novaboon, was created out of pure anger and rebellion from my own personal “persecution” from facebook. I kept falling victim to censorship and constant regulations on my profile. Facebook can be pretty controlling almost fascist like. There is a limit to how many friends you can request or have then hypocritically constantly post profiles suggesting you add them. There is a limit to how many messages you can send in given time. They remove images that they claim to violate their “terms” yet don’t say which one.

 

I don’t want to get into details about but I have a lot of complaints about them and was angered and decided to create my own social network. I didn’t expect to in anyway compete with facebook or even the dying MySpace. I wanted to create an alternative for those as frustrated as I am. I wanted an unrestricted social network with great customer service. I grabbed the best person I knew to partner up with me to do the back end. The technical computer knowledge to help me make this happen. He was into the idea and we wrote up a business plan and set our goals. Novaboon was born in October 2010 and was launched in November 2010. My duties are the promotional, system tester/user, creative and marketing end.

 

I started it to fill a void I suspected existed and to give people similar to me an alternative site to post what they want. We set out to make it the best we could. We also decided we want to make money through obtaining advertisers eventually.

 

The Novaboon promotion took off immediately and we grew pretty fast in the fist few weeks to a month. I promoted mostly on other social networks especially facebook. This of course got me into more censorship issues with facebook. Sending too many messages especially. I actually personally messaged 100s of people announcing our new site. I used groups, my blog sites and any other internet means I could promote through for free. It was frustrating on and off and still is.

 

The same things were happening like they did when I was promoting my books. People asked me questions about it then not signing up. Some people signed up then didn’t come back to the site. I overkill the posts about it and people still ask me what it called. I keep on pressing on. I have a vision and I secretly expect everyone to understand it and join me. They won’t. People are people.

 

I’ve come to understand that most people if not all people on facebook are either satisfied or addicted to facebook because that’s where their friends are. That’s what they are comfortable with. Hell, I still go on there as much as my own site. I also use it as a vehicle to continue to promote Novaboon. Novaboon has shifted from not only an alternative but a fun unrestricted supplement. We don’t expect anyone to abandon king facebook.

My partner and my enthusiasm have shifted up and down for the past few months but we’ve come to realize that Novaboon is actually doing pretty good. We are growing at a steady pace. I’m beginning to understand that slow and steady is better than too much too fast and too slow. I just keep getting stuck and frustrated.

Where do I go from here? Are we ready to get advertising? How do I get more people to join and use the site? These are typical and reasonable questions at this point. I’m frustrated mostly because of my need for money.

When I first published my Serial Killer Coloring Book I went through similar things. I built a huge underground following, distributed it internationally, sold thousands of comics and in the end I never made a living off of it. I made a lot of money spread over 3 or 4 years and if it was my only income I would have been screwed.

I am an artist first. I have never been into it for the money but sometimes I wish that I were. If you asked me a few month or so ago, in the height of my frustration, what was more important the art or the money I would have said the money. I love the fact that I have published and sold my first novel. I enjoy the praise but I would really love to have the money.

Most of my life I have had jobs, not careers, that required little work hours and I made a lot of money in the few hours. I never wanted to commit to a full time career oriented job. Sometimes I couldn’t figure out why. It was because deep inside I know that I am an artist. Whether I am writing, drawing, playing in a band or creating new websites and social networks. I am an artist and I want to one-day make the money that I deserve not as a person but as an artist.

Now let’s move onto my promotions.

My novel Yellow Socks: Confessions of a Non-Don Juan is available at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/richhillenjr

Or Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Yellow-Socks-Confessions-Non-Don-Juan/dp/0557562597/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1296071667&sr=8-1

 

My Best of the Serial Killer Coloring Book is available at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/richhillenjr

 

My T-shirts are available at http://richhillenjr.spreadshirt.com/

 

Check out my videos on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/user/crawlspacebro

 

Don’t forget to join my free unrestricted social network NovaBoon now. http://novaboon.com

It’ll only take a minute to join and check it out. Don’t forget to say hi to me


Trouacdof

January 21, 2011


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