Today Again


Shit. It’s today again.

Lazy. Not so much. I sit. I lay. I spend the day trying to make my meets end or end meets or meats.

Pay bills. No money. Get money. Owe money. Pressure. Stress.

Mail. Social Security sent me 5 separate 10-page packets to fill out. Explain my disabilities. I tell them that the experience of filling out the forms triggers all of my disabilities. It’s true. I get almost halfway done and have already medicated myself with over the counter and prescriptions.

A night of watching Kevin Smith movies and eating the sheet of dried seaweed my roommate gave me. Wash it down with any liquid I can find to dehydrate and rehydrate me.

I create imaginary masterpieces to get the toxins out of me and into you.

Piss more toxins and negative energy away in the toilet every hour from drinking too much water all day. It’s good.

More pain. More anxiety. More pills. More time.

I sleep peacefully.

Dreams are so much better than my life sometimes. I wake up disappointed and sweating. My bladder is full. I spend 5 minutes straight unloading.

Stumble in the hot house turning on every fan and I play with the thermostat.

Drink water and wait for my coffee. Cigarettes and water.

Shit. Today again.

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5 Responses to Today Again

  1. The girl next door says:

    Hi Rich, I am sorry that you are experiencing this crap in your life, but I can see the sun shining through as well.

    Ok, ten pages to fill out. You can do it. Go on line and do you. You are so talented electronically you will have no problem doing it.

    I helped a friend do hers online and eventually showed her husband and he worked on it too, it is very long and frustating, but worth the time and effort.

    I know it’s easier said than done, but I want to encourage you that at whatever time of the day is best for you; be it in the AM when you first wake up and are drinking your AM coffee or late at night when you are chilling. Try to tell yourself to get online and start the process of filling out those forms.

    Basically you have to create a record for the doctor(s) so that when yyou list a prescription or testing that has been done you can link it to that doctor. If you don’t have the exact dates of services, etc. just guess it as close as possible and press on.

    Hang in there man, you can do this. Email me to help if you like or have questions.

    • richhillenjr says:

      I use a service that is supposed to take care of everything for me. For a fee of course. I called them the next day and they told me I don’t have to fill out anything. It also means that I have to wait longer. SSD tries to side step my service and I was told to call them every time SSD contacts me. Thanks for caring.

  2. The girl next door says:

    I wanted to let you know that I apologize for being absent lately as I have had my own demons to deal with.

    I do think about you often.

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