Thank God everything passes especially the bad. I’d love the good the good feeling to stay forever but I wouldn’t be human if it did. Yesterday, I had sudden anxiety for no good reason. I’m sure there were plenty of reasons but I wasn’t sure which one. It was the frist time in my life that I’ve had a panic attack the day of a performance. It eventually passed.
I made it to the show slightly grudgingly and slightly late but in plenty of time to perform and see the guest of honor, Ryno, my sick friend who the benefit was for. He is not only a friend but a former band mate. A musical genius. He’s always loved my songs.
A side note: I never understand why ultra talented musicians have come up to me on numerous occasions and told me how much they love my songs and sometimes the even compliment my guitar playing. These people are usually way more talented than I am. I’ve always admires Ryno’s talent for playing anything. He adapted my songs brilliantly. Although we’ve only been friends for about four or five years now I consider him to be a close friend. He’s always been there for me so I instinctively knew I had to play last night.
They asked me to play a lot earlier than scheduled and there weren’t that many people there yet and I jumped at the chance since Ryno was there. That was all that mattered is that he see me play. Normally, I only do a very short set of about five or six songs. I hate when bands play too long so I play too short. This wasn’t about me last night. It was about Ryno. He kept shouting out requests for songs I didn’t practice or I wasn’t planning on playing so I actually played a full half an hour set. I watched him singing along not caring that his family was sitting next to him while I sang about serial killers and cursed a lot. He was having a great time.
Surprisingly, a small crowd gathered of about ten to 20 people. Most of them were laughing and singing along. I have a tiny following in Delaware and their enthusiasm always throws me back. I had a good time watching the audience while they were watching me. When I was finished I was tired. I was dehydrated and wanted a cigarette. So I drank some water and lit up a smoke outside.
No anxiety. Luckily, I’ve not had any anxiety while performing. Knock on wood.
Ryno’s father came up to me after I was finished and told me that he was impressed that I rhymed “nonchalant” with “no response”. Apparently he is an expert in poetry. I told him about the artist GG Allin was one of the few song writers I knew that could rhyme words with the same words like done with done. He told me that some of the great poets in history could do that. He named a few that I can’t remember.
I hung in there as long as I could for the night and talked to a bunch of people that I know from playing Delaware over the years. It does become tiresome for an anti-social person like me that doesn’t drink and has lost his taste for live music to hang around as long as I did. I watched most of the bands until I couldn’t take it and finally left.
I was happy to see Ryno so happy and enthused. I hope he gets better.
Now back to my unemployed hot sweaty life on my porch in Haddonfield New Jersey.