Ode to My Hometown

 

Fairview Village. Inside of Camden, New Jersey, one of the most crime ridden cities in the country. My hometown. I lived here as a child. I live here once again as an adult child. I cursed the Gods for my own decisions that as if they had something to do with everything that has led me here in a couple of years of indecisive despair. Camden, New Jersey.

 

Fairview. Oh how you lured me back into your grips.  Oh Fairview, I am back and you have changed more than I have. You were once a beautiful Village in a fancy town. As Camden fell, you Fairview, kept your cool and were certainly a town with pride. A Village Square with candy stores, restaurants and a grocery store. Now the stores meet covered in graffiti, trash and a violent dirty smell in the air. A Hispanic grocery next to an old barbershop with a cracked striped pole.

 

Your boarded up houses try to keep smiling as the drug dealers hide in your shadows. Unknown and well-known murders, rapes and muggings try and hide but some of us can smell it through our tired ripped screen windows. I used to hide. Over two years of hiding I finally feel free.

 

Suddenly the County of Camden has sent hundreds of black uniformed storm troopers to “sweep” the town clean as they told me. Dozens standing on every block, friendly yet stern. Confident yet uneasy. To an outsider it may look like a Police State or even a Fascist takeover. To me it looks like freedom to step foot in my own neighborhood with out the fear of being hassled or even mugged. Oh Fairview, I feel something new from you. I feel hope. I see courage. I am not afraid, not because of “protection” but because someone cares about you once again. People are making the difference. The proud hardworking families can be proud once again to live in a community.

 

I hear echoes in your dark alleys and streets whispering complaints and curses directed at the County and the Guardians. The dark lords are in hiding and some are running or locked up. I know in my heart that you, Farview, you are beginning to see the future and it doesn’t hurt. We don’t have to hurt anymore.

 

Where I lived until 5th grade

Where I live now

Hey guys. Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. Been a long time. Too long. Anyway, I’m back posting blogs and things. Meanwhile follow me on Twitter.    http://www.twitter.com/richhillenjr

Here’s a picture:

Are You Catch?

 

“She want’s me”  My friend used to say.

“She just doesn’t know it yet.” He’d say right after.

 

I’m on a mailing list of a few “pick up artists” sites. I subscribed a long time ago when I thought I needed help meeting women. Well, maybe I did. I just didn’t practice their principles in all of my affairs. Ha. I did need help at times but they didn’t always have the answers. I even read a book called the Game which was more of a good read than a “how to” guide. It was the author’s story of how he got involved at first as research to write a book and he got sucked into the “pick up” scene. Remember that show that ran briefly on VH1, The Pick Up Artist? Mystery, the star of the show was also the central character in the book.  The book takes in the human factors despite the fact that they call it a “game” and the “pick up artists” play these games. The nature of men and women are different and our needs and wants are different. Deep down we are no different than primitive man. We’ve been conditioned to act accordingly to what our society dictates and dating, relationships and sex have become more obscure and difficult as far as communications go. Obviously, my initial interest in the subject wasn’t to learn human behavior but I am interested in that too.

 

Personally, I’ve been highly successful at times with the opposite sex at times and I’ve had rough patches other times It always depends on my own self worth and self-esteem. When I was young man my self-esteem was based on how much a woman liked me. I had this idealized concept that if all women didn’t think I was attractive then I was no one. I was a loser. I grew out of that theory but still had spurts of low self-esteem. Maybe I still do. I just don’t care as much these days.

 

I still receive these emails from various “pick up” sites with articles and then they want me to buy something. Sometimes I delete them without reading them sometimes I read them if the subject is catchy. Ha. Catchy. That’s what caught my eye the other day. The subject read “Are You a ‘Catch’ to Women?” I wanted to find out and I opened the email. It was interesting. They defined a “catch” as a “high status” male. A high status male is a man that has his shit together and has many qualities that women desire. Of course that varies depending on the woman.  I sat down and thought about it. I wonder if I am a “catch” to women.

 

Over all I have to say that I am a “catch”. Not to all women like I fantasized as a young man but in some women’s eyes. More importantly I am a “catch” in my eyes. I can look in the mirror on most days and think or even say out loud “you’re alright, Richy boy.”  Or something like that. Ha. Not to sound conceited or cocky but I do like myself today. I like the way I look, dress, act, and feel on most God given days.

 

I feel uncomfortable writing it like this for several reasons. First of all it might ruin my “self loathing” image that I seem to portray in my writing and spoken word. When I write about my spiritual or mental sufferings they are true human experiences that are only a small part of me. They are not the entire make up of Rich Hillen Jr. I tend to feel more motivated to write when I’m in a bad mood, upset about something or depressed than when I’m happy and confident. Second, I don’t want to come off as cocky. There’s a huge difference between being cocky and being confident yet there is a thin line between them. I don’t think I’m better than anyone. I’m simply aware of my strengths and weaknesses and feel confident most of the time. Also, feel slightly embarrassed to be reading articles from the so-called “pick up artists”. Who wants to admit that? That is one of my strengths and weaknesses. I am honest with what’s on my mind at least when I know what’s going on.

 

Hopefully, I’ll be the “catch of the day” for you today if not “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”

Crime Scene 2

The experience was fantastic folks. Here’s the promo from before the show.

Get ready folks! “True Crime Three” are at it again with a little help from their friend’s to bring you the Crime Scene 2 murder convention in Indianapolis. Mark your calendars, iphones and all reminder devices you own. August 13^th 2012 will be legendary.

This is not just another night of murder, music and art! It’s an unforgettable experience you will never forget whether you want to or not.

In 2011 award winning true crime documentary filmmaker, John Borowski was interviewing The Last Dime Museum owner Mathew Aaron and author and creator of the largest serial killer site online and serial killers, Joe Hiles planned a collaborative true crime convention that took place May 28^th 2011 titled The Crime Scene. It featured the founders, which was enough to make the convention noteworthy. The

During the filming of award winning true crime documentary filmmaker John Borowski’s interview with Joe Hiles, author and creator of Serial Killer Central online and Matthew Aaron, owner and curator of the Last Dime Museum at the museum. The “true crime three” decided a collaborative crime convention was in order.

Matthew Aaron suggested collaboration between him, Hiles, and Borowski and for an event hosted in Indianapolis, Indiana that would be the ‘true crime event of the year’, featuring true crime inspired bands, authors, filmmakers, displays of artwork by serial killers, and film props. The event also draws attention to numerous crime and punishment issues such as the death penalty, prisoner abuse, and wrongly convicted prisoners such as the West Memphis Three.

Matthew Aaron organized the venue at Birdy’s Bar & Grill in Indianapolis, Indiana, Joe Hiles designed the event website and John Borowski helped secure talent for the event. The collection or artwork by killers on display are from the collections of Aaron and Hiles.

Some of the highlights of the event were:

- A first ever scene screening from Panzram: The Spirit of Hatred and Vengeance, John Borowski’s documentary film being released fall of 2011, as well as a teaser trailer for his upcoming film entitled Serial Killer Culture.

- Meet and greet with: Collector, Musician, and photographer Matthew Aaron. Author, collector, and founder of Serial Killer Central, Joe Hiles. John Borowski, filmmaker of H.H. Holmes: America’s First Serial Killer, Albert Fish: In Sin He Found Salvation, and Carl Panzram: The Spirit of Hatred and Vengeance. Charles D. Moisant, publisher of Mystery Manor and Bane of the Werewolf comic books.

- Displays of original true crime paintings and artworks by such famous names as Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacy, Richard Ramirez, and numerous others.

- Acoustic songs ‘bout serial killers by Rich Hillen of the World Famous Crawlspace Brothers and Hillen’s Best of the Serial Killer Coloring Book and his macabre artwork.

Lolita Manuela – A Poem

Loneliness

Desolation

Desperation

Confusion as to my favorite mind crime and dirty thoughts of her

Dreams, visions, sexual obsessions convoluted into one smear of a love lust

That haunts me, thrills me, chills me and makes me feel unworthy of her

Fantasies night after night and I wake up in sweats and frustrated that she will never be

Next to me in my bed or hers or anywhere with me

Oh Latina Lolita I worship you secretly

Your eyes, your hair, your body- oh your perfect body I can just stare at you from afar for hours and the fact I can never touch you is alright with me as long as I know you are in the same world as me

You live your life and I’ll try to live mine with my secret love and lust for you

I will keep smiling as I whisper your name

Oh Manuela . . .

I Still Got It. Hahahahaha.

On Saturday afternoon I was doing some extra work (cleaning carpets) for my uncle in a law office building I sometimes help clean in Haddonfield, New Jersey. It was an arts fair day so the front of the building and the whole street was closed down and filled with vendor’s tents. My co-worker and I would take breaks outside and catch a smoke.

 

One of those breaks a beautiful Japanese woman came up to me real friendly asking how I was. Since her and her friend were dressed in similar floral print dresses and she was holding what looked like a post card in her hand I assumed she was going to try and sell me something. My co-worker complimented her pretty dress and I nodded in agreement. She kept smiling and making semi-flirtatious small talk and I was still waiting for a sales pitch that never came.

 

She asked me what work I was doing after asking me why I was there. I told her cleaning carpets. She smiled and said that was much better then working at the mall. The whole encounter only lasted about 5 minutes and she said goodbye and it was great to see me again. Again? As she was walking away in the distance it hit me that I knew her. She used to be a customer of mine when I was a server at a restaurant at the mall. A regular customer of mine. I used to know her by name. Damn, she is beautiful.

 

There I was with a beautiful sexy young woman flirting with me and I not only did nothing about it but I didn’t even know what was going on. This has happened many times before especially the not knowing a woman was into me until after the fact usually when someone tells me. I guess my self esteem is low, my memory is bad and I forgot what it’s like to be around women. Things are going to change. I mean to say things are going to change even more or I’m going to miss out on some prime opportunities in life.

To quote the great Ralph Malph from Happy Days “I still got it.”.

We are Merely Players

Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut! Stop there. Ok Rich. You got the part all wrong. You’re supposed to be the guy with positive energy surviving on his art and good looks. Where’s this depressive attitude coming from. You’re not supposed to be dragging through the day barely getting anything done. You lost a good part of yesterday this way and almost all of Sunday. I don’t want to hear that Bipolar starving artist routine. I’m not buying it. I don’t care how late in the day it is. Start over now. The films rolling and we’re not on a huge budget ya know. Deal with your “mommy issues” on your own time. I’m sick of doing re-writes just for you. You know how this should play out.

“Hero has a rough life. Hero goes through struggle after struggle. Hero finds true happiness. Hero loses it to his own self destructiveness. Hero admits complete defeat, seeks help and changes his beliefs and attitudes and lives happily ever after one day at a time.”

So let’s start this day over from where you do something productive and finish your laundry.